Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Turning Back Tuesday's

Introducing: Ed

Mark and I had been on again off again for about a year and a half. He kept telling me he didn't want a relationship, I kept saying "me neither" but was totally lying about it (I'm such a typical girl, eh?)

My aunt had recently purchased a bar in a hotel..and I desperately needed cash. It wasn't a glorious position, but I took it...and found myself loving it. I was serving, and always had cash. Most shifts, I only pulled about forty dollars...I wasn't complaining, money was money and I was a poor college student!

One day I walked into work, and there he was. Ed. He was tall, with dark hair, dark brown eyes, and my heart immediately started fluttering. Little did I know, I was about to travel down a path that would be filled with tears, frustration, and the most effed up emotional roller coaster I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. (Now doesn't that just sound like fun?? note:copious amounts of sarcasm)

I found out Ed was single, we went out a couple of nights, and then decided we liked each other enough to start dating. The first red flag flew into the air when he told me I wouldn't be his girlfriend unless I was having sex with him. I doubted his intentions, but was yearning for an exclusive relationship. I gave in after a week, and sealed the deal. We were exclusive.

Ed loved to party. He loved to rock out, and always ended up black-out drunk when he did so. (Another red flag was being whipped by the winds around me..but I was a young girl in denial of my surroundings). His eyes continued to make me melt, even after I had seen him rip a door off it's hinges or punch holes in the walls. I saw good in him, at least that's what I kept telling myself.

I saw good in him even after I found out he had a baby living in Seattle.
I saw good in him when I found out he smoked a lot of weed.
I saw good in him after I found out he had been arrested multiple times.
I saw good in him after I found out he was on probation.
I saw good in him when I learned about his living situation, which included paying rent to a fifty year old woman who was interested in sleeping with Ed every chance she got.

The good light I kept telling myself existed inside of him slowly began to fade. We weren't getting along. I was also beginning to feel like all Ed wanted me for was sex. Literally. It was the coldest, ugliest feeling I've ever felt in my life.

Another thing about Ed...He didn't like using protection. He promised me he'd "pull out" and I cowardly went along with it. I couldn't afford birth control, and I didn't like how I felt when I was on birth control...so I operated under the assumption that it would never happen to me. The chances of getting pregnant were slim in general, right? Wrong. Literally, I was just a piece of ass to him. I love sex, don't get me wrong..but he could've accomplished the same thing with a blow-up doll, and not knocked the doll up.

About the middle of May in 2005, I found myself at home, waiting to receive a phone call from Ed. In the meantime, I decided to watch movies by myself. It was actually shaping up to be a lovely peaceful night. At 11:30, there was a knock on my door. It was Ed. His eyes had completely lost their luster.

There was something different about him, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I invited him in, and before I knew it, my night had spun out of control. Ed refused to leave my house, for fear I would call the police. He had no reason to believe I would call the police, because up until that point, he hadn't done anything wrong aside from not leaving when I asked him to. I finally told him I was going to leave, and then he took my phone.

My cell was my only telephone, so I struggled with him to get it back. He ended up removing the sim card, and giving my phone back. I threw my hands up in frustration, went back inside my house, and locked the door behind me.

To my surprise, he wasn't through yellingtalking. He proceeded to break into my house, and when I realized what was going on, I made my best effort to pop the screen off of my bedroom window. I was scared, and the damn screen wouldn't open. I was trapped inside my own home, and it was terrifying. When he had me cornered in my room, I tried pushing my way free. He picked me up, threw me down on my bed, laying on top of me while holding his hand over my mouth. I thought he was going to kill me. He told me to stop crying, I held my breath. When he finally let me stand up, he asked me why I was acting so crazy. I couldn't believe my ears. It was then, and only then that I realized if I was going to make it out of my house unscathed, I had to start flipping out. I responded by flying past him to show him what and how he had just entered my house. The very second I had a clear shot at the door, I bolted straight for my car, started it up, and drove away.

I've never cried more in my life. I had survived an extremely terrifying experience. The next morning I filed a restraining order against him. I wasn't going to let him scare me anymore. The only downside was we still worked together, and my boss at the time didn't respect the fact that Ed had almost killed me, and kept scheduling us to work together

Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I wish I could make this stuff up.

I called him up, and told him the news. We met, he told me he would change, but his psychotic 50 year old roommate who wanted to bone him wouldn't let him spend the night with me, and instead told him that if he left with me she would call the police herself (what a bitch). That night, I went home alone and knocked up.

The next three days, I couldn't reach Ed. I later found out he had gone on a three-day meth binge.

I was clueless that Ed was using meth, but it definitely explained his behavior the two weeks prior. I made a pledge to myself to put me, and my unborn child first.

I quit my job, and reorganized my life. I renewed the restraining order when baby boy was four months old, and moved shortly thereafter.

The last time I spoke with Ed was when I was five months pregnant. He randomly called me from an unrecognizable number. The sound of his voice sent shivers down my spine. He is the one person who will always send shivers down my spine.

Ed is the epitome of the phrase "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger."

Looking back, I know the entire relationship was doomed from the beginning. Again, I was young, and desperate to find a companion.


Brian in Mpls said...

I must say that was quite an introduction to Ed.

Do you ever do look ahead Fridays?

doahleigh said...

Wow, yeah that's a lot. I don't know you in real life, but I can tell you are way stronger now than you were then. So that's pretty fucking amazing right?

Mandy said...

Again, you are such an amazing strong woman.