Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Well, folks....I've done up and done it. I'm admitted to college, set to begin classes in January....BUT....

This entire process has added roughly 1-million grey hairs to my twenty-something head. Since my former education didn't quite measure up to my new college's standards (read: my GPA sucked monkey balls), I was admitting as a student on ACADEMIC PROBATION. Yeah yeah yeah..I was young when I failed to be a successful college student, whatever, I was going back to school NOW so academic schmoschmation as far as I'm concerned.

The hoops my "probation" "required" me to go through:
  1. Maintain a GPA of 2.5 or greater my first semester of school.
  2. Have a course completion rate of 75% or greater.
  3. Complete an online Academic Success Workshop.
  4. Attend an In-Person Orientation

The orientation was last night and OH MY GOD! Who, in their right mind, schedules an orientation to begin at 5pm on a weekday. THE MIDDLE OF EFFING RUSH HOUR (as you can tell, I'm not your typical "yay I'm soooooooooo excited to be going to school...yippee" kind of gal..I want to go to class, pass with flying colors, and get my degree ASAP).

Not only did the orientation start at one of the worst possible times, but it was four flipping hours long. I HOPED to POSSIBLY sneak out early but NOPE...DIDN'T happen since you had to have a stupid sheet signed off to PROOVE that you were there (psha!).

Note to self: Don't mess up college this time's a bitch to re-enroll and get your academic career back on track

Monday, October 11, 2010

Back to the Future

Once something moves into the past for me, it almost ALWAYS stays there. The same cannot be said of Alaska. Since I doubt anyone will read the link, in a nutshell, here is his story:
  • We were both in the wedding party of a good friend of mine in August of 2009.
  • We both consumed a rediculous amount of alcohol.
  • We ended up in a hot and heavy makeout session.
  • He drove me home the next morning...his buddy sat in the front seat...the same buddy who also crawled UNDER THE COVERS next to us the night before, I digress...I sat in the backseat.
  • Numbers were never exchanged, but I managed to find his email address.
  • I emailed him a three-sentence message...he replied with a three sentence message...I replied...and I never heard from him again.

Thinking back to the time Alaska had flooded my thoughts, I was head over heels smitten...For a man whom I BARELY KNEW! Sure, we had mutual friends, but my GOD, it's not like we had ever hung out before the wedding...WHAT IN THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?! Note to me: Take your stereotypical girl $hit and $hove it where the $un don't $hine...seriously.


Yesterday was as gorgeous as days can get on a Minnesota October day. I was (forced) to spend the day with my family....midway through the morning my phone alerted me to an email.

Slap me backwards and call me sally, it was a three-sentence email from Alaska. My jaw dropped. When asked what was going on, all I stated was I received an email from a guy I used to know, and refused to elaborate further. The stereotypical girl wanted to IMMEDIATELY RESPOND with "YES! I WILL MARRY YOU!!...or...I mean...Ummmm...I'm fine, how are you?"....but I couldn't bring myself to say ANYTHING.

Peeps...I'm clueless. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not extremely happy with my physical appearance...I've had little to no success in the dating relm, and most days, I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize with adults, much less FLIRT (omg, I blush just thinking about it).

The night of my friend's wedding, I was confident. I was carefree. I wasn't a mom. I was me. Why in the HELL does this guy have to live in the US, albeit an effing country away?!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Nuckin Futs.

For 18 years of my life, my family felt "normal" albeit EXTREMELY dysfunctional. I get that their divorce was virtually imminent. I get that their relationship was extremely unhealthy for all parties involved. But it was my family, and when the divorce became unavoidable ten years ago, my world fell apart.

My parents have been divorced for 10 years.

My mom had started a new relationship with a man she had worked with. A relationship while she was still married. A relationship that was uncovered by my then 15 year old brother, in our house, which included him walking in on the two of them making out (responsible and SUPER mature of them, right?! I digress).

Ten years ago, after the dysfunctional family I knew and loved fell apart, the relationship with my mom crumbled before my eyes.

She's been with Him the entire time. I've hated almost every minute of it...becoming less vocal about my dislike of him as time has passed....because, really, my dislike of him hasn't and won't change my mothers mind, or open her eyes.


Yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from my mom. "What are you doing on 10/ Sunday?" she asked. I didn't have plans, so I told her I was free...

"We're getting married...and I want you to be my maid of honor."

"Okay" was all I could say. I said okay after she told me it was going to be a small ceremony. I said okay after she told me no dresses were allowed, only denim jeans. I said okay when she told me not to tell anyone else in the family...that she wanted this to be kept secret. I kept saying okay.

The moment I hung up the phone, I broke down into a serious ugly-cry. Baby boy asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't tell him....he's too little to really truly understand how much this hurts. He's too little, nor would I ever want him to feel what I'm feeling. I asked for a hug, and dried my face.

In a nut shell....this sucks.