Monday, October 31, 2011

Seriously Life....Settle down already!!

I'm am crabby today. Downright pissy, actually...and instead of unloading on a friend and burdening them with my petty bullshit, I'm unloading it here...because, why the hell not?

My LOVELY mother (insert copious amounts of sarcasm here) and I have not been on speaking terms for over a week because she had the audacity to insinuate that I was a bad mother because I had asked for help watching my son to go to an all-attend work meeting which announced the layoff of seven employees from my office. Thankfully, I was not a victim of this layoff, however, my office is very small and very close, so a good friend of mine was. In lieu of going STRAIGHT to pick up my son when the meeting was over, I drove to my coworkers house...she had left the office BEFORE I had arrived for the meeting, and was sitting at home alone, wallowing in the news that she would no longer be, I did what any friend would do...I went and made sure she wasn't alone, listened to her vent, and was there.

Ya know, it would be one thing if I unloaded my son on my mother and her husband ALL OF THE TIME, but the fact is, I don't, especially because bullshit like this happens. She (for whatever reason) becomes a jealous bitch, and I won't tolerate her snarky attitude. I am open and up front with her, and tell her I don't understand or appreciate her attitude and that I refuse to fight with her...but after I hear that she's spread her ugly opinion to my father (the man whom she cheated on and divorced 11 years ago) I consider the line crossed.

I'm done with her...which makes me equally happy and sad. Does anyone want to adopt a 28 year old single mother and her 5 year old son?

Speaking of five-year-olds...holy shit has he been pushing my buttons lately. Where do I even begin? Oh, I know! How about finding my work clothes smeared with his shit?! Yeah, you read that right. He literally decided to wipe his ass with MY CLOTHES!!!! I swear to god.

His response: "It will come out in the laundry, mom."

...You'd also think Kindergarten would be a BREEZE OF A YEAR for the parent of a school kid. WRONG. Kindergarten has been hell thus far. From a call from my son's teacher explaining that he was put in a Kindergarten version of detention called the "sit and think room" from bashing a kid in the face with his lunch box, to hearing daily that his name has been put on the board because he isn't listening...oh, and HERE's a good one...he had an older kid do his damn homework for him!! son is "that kid."

Trying to be a "fun mom" we bought three pumpkins over the weekend as part of my son's reward for not getting his name on the board on Friday. Last night, as part of a reward for my son behaving at a wake we had to attend, we got to carve the pumpkins. OF COURSE the safe pumpkin knife broke after the first pumpkin...and OF COURSE it was 9pm so we couldn't run out to get another knife. Do I wait until today to carve the rest of my pumpkins? Nope. That would be TOO easy. Instead, I try to use my six inch serrated knife....I know you know where this is going.

Yup. I put that damn knife into the tip of my thumb. I let out over a dozen expletives, attempted to control the massive bleeding amongst the throbbing pain to see just how far the knife went into my thumb (about 3/4 of a centimeter, enough to warrant a lot of blood, not enough for me to justify an embarrassing trip to the ER). Typically, I could give two hoots if I was single or in a relationship...unless something tramatic like lodging a six inch serrated knife into the tip of your thumb happens....moments like those I hate the fact that I'm single and alone.

Not only was I fighting tears of physical pain, but those are the moments in my life when the tears of my loneliness creep in...and MASSIVE amounts of ugly-crying inevitably happen.

I responded as level headed as possible after that, shaking as I tried to unwrap fingertip band aids with my teeth, and downing 1000 mg of ibuprofen, then calling it a night.

Today hasn't been much better, although, as I got into my car at lunch time some sappy song was playing on the radio about keeping your head up and blah blah blah. I looked at my car radio, and said "Dude, I'm trying, alright?! Lay off."

Monday, October 17, 2011

Insider Secret.

Well folks, there's nothing like running into your crush as you're walking into the dermatology clinic, running into the love of your life's FIANCE while you're on a sporadic daytrip, or reading that Alaska is seriously contemplating moving back to MN on facebook to kick your week off to an amazing start.

Truth: My love life is still non-existent. I'm keeping extremely busy. So busy, in fact, that I become tired just thinking about it. I'm continuing to focus on myself, going to the gym 3, 4 and sometimes even 5 times a week (although you wouldn't guess it by looking at the scale, I digress). I've made appointments with a dermatologist to get my annoying acne (that only a 14 year old should have to endure) under control.

I'm trying to put me first. A rarity in the life of a full-time working, single mom.

I still find ways to have fun (read: sporadic day trip with a great friend), but I am still fighting my strong urge to want more.

For now, my only suggestion to you would be to invest in Duracell. I don't foresee my future without the least not anytime soon.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Hello World

A few updates since my last post:
  1. I popped my Vegas Cherry...and it was amazing
  2. I am still single
  3. I keep finding myself sexting with Alaska....even though my gut tells me I'm just keeping myself busy because I'm so damn lonely
  4. I'm now the parent of a school-aged child
  5. I am now using up six months of a free dating website because the first six months did not land me my "match"
  6. I'm extremely tempted to break my dry spell by sleeping with a married man, which makes me feel even more low for multiple reasons
  7. It's been so long since I've had sex that:
  • My vibrator is sick of me
  • I'm beginning to think I might be deemed a born again virgin
Care to weigh in?

Monday, July 11, 2011

The one where I survive.

I sat in front of the television with eyes, ears and a bit of my soul glued to the woman’s every word and mannerism. She is a true survivor, inspiring, yet the details of her story are so gruesome it chills me to the bone.

I’m still baffled that people can treat others so horribly. I don’t understand sexual predators. I find it hard to bring myself to the realization that there are people within our world that will attempt to steal humanity from others, young and old, through forced sexual acts.

I just don’t get it.

What I understand is Jaycee Lee Dugard’s will to survive, and how she had to survive a monster by keeping quiet. Although I only had to survive a monster for a few mere moments, there’s something that rings true to me in her story. Unfortunately, there can be moments when your life is threatened that you sit and take it, knowing that a struggle could cost you your last breath. When the horrific moment was over for me, I had a chance to run. My heart breaks that Jaycee never had the same chance.

I want to buy her book and read her story. I fully support educating people that surviving is possible. There is life after abuse.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Smidgen of an Update

I need something to give right about now.

See, although I’ve claimed to give up on men, and start focusing on me, myself and I…and can’t totally say I’ve been doing my best. I haven’t been to the gym in a week due to an INSANELY CRAZY schedule that I can’t even begin to explain. Oh, and then there was that public make-out session while I was extremely drunk last weekend (with a boy I’ll call Big V, whom I had only met for the first time, but had known OF him for a long time via facebook, I digress).

Have I mentioned I started taking happy pills last fall? I didn’t? Hmm…well, if I did or I didn’t, I kinda sorta forgot to take them for the past two weeks….WHAT WAS I EFFING THINKING?! No worries, I’m back on the blue little wonders….

Then there’s the “OMG I FEEL LIKE I’M PREGGO BUT I HAVEN’T HAD SEX IN ALMOST A DAMN YEAR” thing….Fer Realz. What in the hell is my problem? Right this very minute, it feels like a brand new minion is fluttering in my stomach! No joke…really, no joke. I made a doctor’s appointment because I was extremely unsettled that pseudo-pregnancy can be a contraindication of CANCER…eff that!

I’ll also let ya know that baby boy passed a wicked case of Strep Throat to me earlier this week. I swear to god it was the worst flipping sore throat I’ve ever had in MAH LIFE! The pain radiated to my ears. Gross.

I hate drama. Hate it. I have doing my damnedest to avoid drama, embrace the positive side of life, and breath...but that doesn't seem to be working too well for me lately. Any thoughts, suggestions, or extra good vibes you could spare for me? I greatly appreciate anything I can get at this point.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm Over It.

A few weeks ago I met a man. Of course, the place we met was extremely random (read: my son's fifth birthday party). Of course, I wasn't expecting to meet a man that day. Of course, I was blown away by the attention.

What attention?

Well, looking back it was really nothing...but to a single girl whose past relationships have amounted to crap, it was a lot. A short, sweet email, which culminated in him asking for my number and stating he'd like to buy me coffee.

I was smitten.

I replied with my info, and waited. And waited. Eventually, I received a call from him (but I was in class so I couldn't answer). When I called him back, I got his voicemail, so a message from me saying "hi, tag, you're it" was left, and I continued to wait. The next night I received a text. We decided to meet on Saturday (aka, last night), and that was that...only we hadn't determined a time.

This story ends like all of the rest of my boy stories, which is why this introduction swayed from all of my previous's one in the same.

He cancelled on me the last minute. Fuck me.

I say Fuck me as sarcastically as possible. I know I wasn't the reason. I know (and had a gut feeling) he had a lot of things going on in his life, and the timing (as right as it's felt the past couple of weeks) was hauntingly off (again, more so on his part than mine).

I'm so drained with men. I'm drained from keeping an open mind for SUCH. A. LONG. TIME...only to still find myself barely surviving single (plus one). I'm drained from becoming excited at new possibilities, only to have said possibilities amount to crap. Sure, I could attempt to be optimistic right now and say "well, this was a positive experience...a man was actually interested in ME for five minutes....and all I did was act myself...yay me!" except my positive energy is damn near close to extinct in my soul.

I want to ugly cry, but I'm sick of crying over men. I know I'm a strong, independent woman. I know I'm far from perfect, but there's a man out there who will be the yin to my yang...for the moment, I'm completely over putting forth any effort. Have I mentioned I'm drained? (yup, sure have...).

I am a full time working, single mother, who is in college...I am happy being a mom. In fact, I LOVE being a mom (although, most days it feels like the most thankless task EVER). I love my job. I love that I'm back in school exercising my brain. Honestly, a man isn't the void in my life....exercise is.

So...long story short...I'm over men, and turning my energy to regaining my physical fitness....that is, until the next man comes along (what? I'm only human!).

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Introducing: Radio

For a long time, I’ve had a secret crush on a man who works in my building. A man who just so happens to be on the radio weekday mornings. A man I'll refer to as Radio. A man who comes off as having a heart of gold. A man who I’ve found attractive for a long time, but I’ve never quite figured out a way to break the ice…until a few weeks ago.
Perhaps this is a bit stalkerish of me, but a few weeks ago, he happened to say his last name on-air. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to look him up on facebook, and although his profile was blocked, I sent him a message. It was an awkward message, but, in a nutshell, I asked him if he’d be willing to go out to lunch with me.
It took him three days to respond….but he accepted my invite, and sent me his phone number, as texting was easier for him than facebook messaging.
A few days of texting without setting our lunch date quickly wore on my nerves…I’m a girl of little patience, especially when it comes to something I want….I was as forward as I could appropriately be, and I told him I would be going out for lunch on a Friday, and if he was free he should meet up with me. When I didn’t hear a response from him for a day, I sent him another text that said “or not”. My text caught his attention, and he told me (via text) that he had a meeting. The man has no reason to lie to me, and I have no reason to believe he’s lying to me…he said Monday would work better, so I penciled him in.
Monday rolled around, and I made sure to look as hot as I could while still dressing appropriate for work….And then, I received his text. “I have another meeting. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. Can we meet tomorrow?” I didn’t know how to feel…confused? Annoyed? Frustrated? Understanding?
I chose the high road, and told him that was fine….but I had to vent to someone about it. I chose my sister in law, as she’s also a single-fully employed-college student-mother, but it was after 4:30, so she had left her job for the day….a text was the only way to directly have my snarky venting message reach her.
“BTW, if he cancel’s on me tomorrow I’m going to respond with “STRIKE THREE JOE MAUER, YOU’RE OUT OF HERE.” I hit the send button, and was immediately confused……
OF COURSE I DIDN’T SEND THE TEXT TO MY SISTER IN LAW…I SENT IT TO HIM, RADIO. I can honestly say I can’t remember a time when I was more embarrassed in my life. I hate technology. I hate text messaging…and this entire incident has reconfirmed my hate for electronic communication.
To be continued…

Newsflash: Video didn’t kill the radio star….Texting did.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Do the numbers lie?

There as a news story on numerology last night....I guess the date 1/1/11 was their inspiration, I digress.

This got me to thinking, I wonder what MY numerology life path would look like..? I couldn't resist taking a look at a numerology website, even though I really don't believe in astrology or numerology. What harm could it do to take a peak at what the numbers said about me and my life.

Here's what it said:
2011 is a year of dynamic change for you. Many surprises will come her way, and you better be open and ready to embrace new opportunities.
You must not be overly careful this year. 2011 is a year in which a major step forward can take place if she is willing to take some calculated risks and do a little gambling. Wisdom and prudence is the key, but you will definitely be faced with choices that require fast action and a willingness to act before all the facts are in. This is an exciting year in which she will be required to promote herself in order to take full advantage of the opportunities that await her. There will be increased opportunity to travel and possibly a change of residence.
You may be tempted by the desires of the flesh: too much food, alcohol, sex, and drugs. She must be careful and discriminate. You could make mistakes in these areas.
She will have some unexpected adventures and lucky breaks during 2011. This can be an unsettling year if she tries to cling to outmoded methods or characteristics. This a year to throw off the old and adopt the new. It is a rebirth and a release after last year's struggle.
2011 is a year in which change takes place consistently, and particularly so in April and May. July 2011 is a breakthrough, a time to enjoy life. September 2011 can be intense, while October 2011 requires tact and balance in relationships.

What's my honest to god reaction...? I like it. It's not perfect (because, lets be honest, life RARELY is...)...but it seems fairly spot-on. I'm starting school, I currently AM open to change, and I'm ready to conquer the world. Boom boom pow.

Do you believe in numerology or astrology? How do you feel about tit?

Monday, January 3, 2011


2010 was a stellar year for me. I decided at the end of 2009 to dedicate 2010 to me...and that's exactly what I did.

  • I took myself to the spa, pampering myself with a massage, manicure, facial, hair cut and some new hair color.
  • I booked my very first "family vacation" for myself and baby boy.
  • I wore dresses in the summer.
  • I had people over for bbq's.
  • I made new friendships.
  • I weened myself away from unhealthy relationships,
  • I took a mini road trip to the north shore, a place I had never explored before.
  • I sorted out my past school financial crap, trudged through the muck, and am now a college student for the third time in my life.
  • I worked on me, myself and I, doing my best to make sure I was and am the person I want to be.

2010 really was a fantastic year for me....Here's to hoping the same, and at the risk of being selfish, here's to hoping for more in 2011.

Happy New Year.