Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm Over It.

A few weeks ago I met a man. Of course, the place we met was extremely random (read: my son's fifth birthday party). Of course, I wasn't expecting to meet a man that day. Of course, I was blown away by the attention.

What attention?

Well, looking back it was really nothing...but to a single girl whose past relationships have amounted to crap, it was a lot. A short, sweet email, which culminated in him asking for my number and stating he'd like to buy me coffee.

I was smitten.

I replied with my info, and waited. And waited. Eventually, I received a call from him (but I was in class so I couldn't answer). When I called him back, I got his voicemail, so a message from me saying "hi, tag, you're it" was left, and I continued to wait. The next night I received a text. We decided to meet on Saturday (aka, last night), and that was that...only we hadn't determined a time.

This story ends like all of the rest of my boy stories, which is why this introduction swayed from all of my previous's one in the same.

He cancelled on me the last minute. Fuck me.

I say Fuck me as sarcastically as possible. I know I wasn't the reason. I know (and had a gut feeling) he had a lot of things going on in his life, and the timing (as right as it's felt the past couple of weeks) was hauntingly off (again, more so on his part than mine).

I'm so drained with men. I'm drained from keeping an open mind for SUCH. A. LONG. TIME...only to still find myself barely surviving single (plus one). I'm drained from becoming excited at new possibilities, only to have said possibilities amount to crap. Sure, I could attempt to be optimistic right now and say "well, this was a positive experience...a man was actually interested in ME for five minutes....and all I did was act myself...yay me!" except my positive energy is damn near close to extinct in my soul.

I want to ugly cry, but I'm sick of crying over men. I know I'm a strong, independent woman. I know I'm far from perfect, but there's a man out there who will be the yin to my yang...for the moment, I'm completely over putting forth any effort. Have I mentioned I'm drained? (yup, sure have...).

I am a full time working, single mother, who is in college...I am happy being a mom. In fact, I LOVE being a mom (although, most days it feels like the most thankless task EVER). I love my job. I love that I'm back in school exercising my brain. Honestly, a man isn't the void in my life....exercise is.

So...long story short...I'm over men, and turning my energy to regaining my physical fitness....that is, until the next man comes along (what? I'm only human!).