Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Fool Me Once

Remember how I said Tall Boy was back in my life? Well, he is, was, er....crap. I just don't know. I KIND OF feel like I've been electronically emotionally duped.

See, we've been chatting online...a lot. Exchanged a few weekend texts. I've enjoyed our electronic dialogue...but SERIOUSLY, I can only handle so much "chatting" before I'm driven to insanity. So, I suggested we meet for lunch...he agreed, and the "lunch date" was set for Tuesday.

Tuesday at 10:15am, my phone alerts me to a new text message. Sure as dog poo, it was TB, texting to tell me he was "called into a last minute meeting, and wouldn't be able to do lunch, but wanted to reschedule for tomorrow." Fine. Whatever. I suppose I could make that I rescheduled for Wednesday.

Wednesday at 10am, again, my phone has a new text from TB. "I stayed home from work today, so I guess we'll have to reschedule.. :-("

I was annoyed. Really annoyed.

Enter the part when I don't want to be Miss Nice Pants....All I wanted to do was tell him off. He had gone to the Twins game last night. Ya know, the game against the Yankees where it started torrentially down the new OUTDOOR stadium. His tickets were in the third row behind the yankees dugout. I didn't feel bad for him that he was sick. Not an ounce of sympathy from this chick.

So, which text did I send?
  1. "I suppose having good tix to the twins in the down pouring rain would leave me sick too. I'll reschedule if you're buying"

  2. "feel better"

I'm a sucker. I sent #2.

I have the HARDEST time being rude....well...unless I'm dating you, then WHOA BOY I can be a snarky mcscnarkerson....And I wonder why I'm single! Srsly.

Shame on me for being fooled twice.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I spend the majority of my days being flexible. Sure, I'll help with this or that around the office. Sure, I'll change my plans because baby boy is crabby, or was being well behaved, or needs to eat dinner. Sure I can wait for you because you're running thirty minutes behind schedule. Sure, I'll run out the door IMMEDIATELY because you're ahead of schedule.

People, I'm spent.

Treat people how you want to be treated...I get it. What I don't get is why people (baby boy excluded for obvious reasons) feel like it's alright to change things/plans/life ALL of the time when I'm involved. It's understandable if it happened once in a while...but, honestly, it happens when I'm involved ALL OF THE TIME. Today, last Sunday, last week.

I'm over it.

...and I need to get laid. (beacause you and I both know that will solve ALL OF THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS!!!!! ...and by ALL OF THE WORLD, I just mean mine).

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Single Dad.

Well, people, Crotchrocket came through, and introduced me (via the internet) to his friend, Single Dad.

He's 32-ish (I think, only because der, we've only sent a handful of messages back and forth). He's been single for a year and a half. His son is 6. On paper he seems near perfect. His photo's are sexy. His mannerisms are pleasant, and even has the ability to make me laugh. I want to talk with him in person, face to face.

See, internet only relationships don't do it for me after a week or so. They lack personal, raw emotion. They feel empty. I'm a girl who wants more. I want to share giggles. I want to read his tone of voice, and win him over with my clever witty comebacks. I want to feel his touch. I want to smell him. Those really important sexy aspects are lost without hope when the friendship/relationship is purely internet/email/text driven. Call me old school, but I'm a girl who is ready for more than what her battery operated friend has to offer...

We'll see if anything develops with SD. I'm actually being patient for once in my life, because I haven't a thing to lose at this point. I've only invested a few moments to respond to a few messages. No date time...yet. (a girl can hope though, right?!)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Crotchrocket...Present Day

It started back up with a friend request on Facebook.

Of course I accepted, and honestly, I was completely surprised and taken aback when I received the request. It had been (darn near) close to 10 years since I had heard from him...Ten crazy years, but ten years none the less.

Immediately I was overcome with a flood of emotions. I craved to find out what he had been up to. What’s his life like? What’s changed? What’s new? What’s different? I wanted to know it all.

(I laugh realizing that both times we’ve begun speaking have been via the internet, but I’m excited to be speaking with him again.)

He has a house now, a girlfriend with whom he purchased the house with, and a one year old girl.

I’m extremely happy for him, but completely torn with “what if’s.” I know, I know…I shouldn’t do this to myself…but my thoughts keep harassing me.

He makes me laugh.
He’s silly, and lives his life in a light hearted manner.
I make him laugh.
He has a job.
He's not crazy.
…and the history between the two of us is there, and the chemistry is unreal.

I feel guilty talking with him, which means I know in my gut that what I’m doing is wrong. Every time we talk, we flirt. It’s how it’s always been. I feel like no time has passed at all, and I feel extremely comfortable talking with him…but it’s unfair to him, unfair to his girlfriend, and certainly unfair to his little girl. I’m not trying to be the other woman, but did I mention the chemistry between us is electric, be it online or on the phone.

I told him to tell his girlfriend that we were talking, and he said she’s the jealous type. I refuse to allow myself to be his secret friend. I refuse to let myself be the other woman. I deserve more than that.

He’s told me he’ll introduce me to a single guy friend of his, but I don’t believe him. My instincts tell me he feels the same way about me as I do about him…While talking on the phone, I told him that I’ve really missed talking with him, then he agreed…and silence ensued. So today, I sit here confused. Being reminded of how much fun I used to have, and how I laugh until my belly aches when we talk has left me wanting more…has left me wanting him more.

My gut feels wrenched but the selfish being inside of me is soaking it all up. I feel like I’m destined for hell.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010



Our conversations began online, back in the day where AOL was the only internet a household had...where you had to wait for the dialing, buzzing, weird noise of the modem followed by a computerized "Welcome."

He was the cousin of my brother's friend (ha, that sounds kind of funny to me, I digress). He had graduated from high school, and I had just finished my Junior year. He had his own car. He drove a crotchrocket. He was nice, and we shared many laughs...but we were just friends.

No handholding.
No romantic stuff.
Just friends.

I had never dated a boy, let alone, a boy had never been "into me." The closest thing I had come to male contact was the horrible first kiss from two years before.

We would go out to eat at Perkins. Hang out at his house. Drive around.

One night, he asked me if I wanted to drink with him...I had never been drunk before, so I was apprehensive, but eventually said I'd go along with it. The night began with a bottle of bacardi limon. The night ended with SEVERE spins, and from what I can remember, we messed around. It was mutual. No lines were crossed that didn't want to be crossed. It was fun, but I was so shy and inexperienced that I felt completely awkward after it happened. If you ask me, that was the beginning of the end of us.

See, we were both inexperienced. He had this ere of sarcasm that I found intriguing, but I also found it extremely difficult to read. After a while, I interpreted his sarcasm as him being too good for me. Towards the end of our summer together, our family discovered my mother had been having an affair. Shortly after that, I met my first actual boyfriend....and Crotchrocket faded out of the picture. I didn't think much of it at the time..I moved on, and was consumed with the life of senior in high school while trying to digest my first boyfriend, and my failed family.