Introducing...

Creeper.

I don't think I've shared this story yet...I suppose it seems like more of a doozie in my head than in actual real life.

I wanted to date. Like, really really wanted to date....so I resorted in online dating since my networking pool was slim (read:everyone I knew I couldn't see myself dating, or were in a monogamous relationship).

So, I broke down and joined an online dating website. It wasn't the first time I'd tried online dating..but my perspective felt fresh, and vibrant. I was jumping in feet first.

I don't remember how contact with Creeper began...I THINK I had a super open mind, and decided to accept his request to talk.

The moment I realized he was creepy, I politely and respectfully told him I wasn't interested. He laughed at me via messenger, and then proceeded to ask me how things were at my SPECIFIC APARTMENT BUILDING.

CREEPY!

The dude had googled me, and found out exactly where I lived. Honestly, I went to bed with one eye open that night. The moment after I realized what he had done I googled myself, and removed myself from any and all white pages type sites I could find.

It's people like Creeper that give internet dating, and the internet in general a bad name. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around...I don't even want to imagine what Creeper has coming his way...

Parental Support.

Who would have thought that throwing a kid's birthday party entailed SO. MUCH. WORK.

The cleaning.
The food.
The entertainment.
The decorations.
The timing.

It was worth every sweaty second.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I rarely associate with the parents of baby boys daycare friends. Since our kids are in daycare together, rest assured the parents work mostly full time, and use the weekends for themselves (as do I...so no biggie, really).

Have I mentioned that none of my close friends are parents...let alone single parents...let alone even remotely CLOSE to having children of their own? It's been a big struggle for me. A struggle to find common ground with people who I used to spend countless hours doing random things or drinking our night away at the bars.

Since baby boy has come into my life, I've selfishly wished that I could find parents that I could relate with, hang out with, and confide in. It seems like a simple task....wrong. Let's put it this way (and I know this is going to sound off) but I think it would be easier to raise ten boys at the same time, than to find a group of supportive parents to hang out with. Srsly.

I've looked for parenting groups, and haven't found a single one that I:

1. Feel comfortable attending
2. Fits into my schedule

When it came time for baby boy's birthday party, I invited my niece, our neighbor, and three boys from daycare.

Worrying about finding common ground with the daycare mom's, I sat and wondered, "What could I possibly have in common with two women who are married, and are most definitely more financially stable than I am?!" ...And then our boys walked into the room together.

The light bulb illuminated.

The end of the night.

My stomach ached from long, deep belly laughs. The kind that cleanses your soul. We had walked across the street to partake in a delicious treat of cheese curds (also the kind that warm your soul). Myself, B, and my guy friend E were the three sole survivors of the birthday evening.

A little background...
B has a boyfriend. They are happy, and I am happy for them. B was the sober cab for the night, although she had a couple drinks herself.

E is single, and has been for a while.

At the last bar sitting in a booth I was on one side, B and E were on the other....then it happened. E was sticking his hand on B's leg. B had a look on her face that read "ummmm....seriously?!" My inebriated state called him out immediately.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU KNOW SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!" The alcohol wouldn't allow me to bottle my frustration.

"Yes, I am well aware" was his immediate response.

My blood boiled.

Now, I know nobody is perfect...however, his response struck a deep nerve with me. A very deep nerve.

See, they're both my friends, just not yet friends with each other. I'm sorry...call me conservative...but if you KNOW someone is in a relationship, you DON'T TRY AND HOOK UP WITH THEM.

Like I said...my birthday, all in all, was a huge success...this was the only blip of the night, and a small blip at that.

I haven't quite decided if I should say anything to E...in fact, I really don't think I'll speak with him for a while, because I follow my mom's golden rule (especially when I'm sober):

"If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."

The Big Night.

As Friday evening grew near, my excitement began to bubble. Unfortunately, I had come down with a silly nagging cold the previous night...thankfully my adrenaline allowed me to enjoy myself.

The first time I had officially been out on the town in 2010 was NOT going to be hindered by a stuffy nose!

We arrived at a packed bar. The birthday gods that be landed the group a prime spot at the end corner...and the fun ensued. The bar was known for their color themed drinks: Greenies, pupleies, blueies and pinkies. For the most part, they were vodka sours with colored sugar added at the end to make them taste kind of like a sweet tart....did I mention they were DELICIOUS!

Most of the people who showed up were not interested in wearing white t-shirts and partaking in the fun. I (surprisingly enough) didn't let that bother me, and instead found strangers in the bar who WOULD partake.

I happened across a family from the sticks who were out celebrating their 24 year old son's birthday...of course I gave the birthday boy a shirt and OF COURSE he put it on with a smile. My drunken logic asked him if his parents wanted a shirt too...he replied there was NO WAY his dad would wear a shirt. I pranced over to his Pops, fluttered my eyelashes and within 1 second Pops had the shirt on. His son was completely stunned...but loved every second of it.

A lot of inappropriate writing ensued. Many deep, long belly laughs were had. Countless drinks slowly disappeared.

There was one situation that happened at the end of the night that left me extremely irritated...but since the night was mostly a success I'll touch on "that" another post.

A phrase I wasn't familiar with until yesterday.....The people who should've been there showed up.

My Battle.

Daycare was closed today.

I proactively arranged for baby boy to spend the night at grandma's house.....before you get all "aww, that's sweet of grandma", grandma isn't hanging out with him today. A month ago, grandma's bf (aka, my pseudo step-father) had to have a pacemaker installed, and is forced to sit home for a total of eight weeks while his leeds heal in his heart...it sounds serious, which it kind of is.....but he's completely fine now, with only lifting restrictions....I digress.

When I got home from dropping baby boy off, I had the best intentions of being productive..I swear. Enter the couch, the Olympics and a box of lindor truffles.

I don't know why I started devouring them...but I did. I could literally hear them going straight to the spare tire that seems to have formed around my stomach region... I couldn't stop eating them. One by one. The silky smooth chocolate wanted me, and I wanted it.

And then, I felt sick.

Why did I just eat 12 servings worth of chocolate in one sitting? WHO DOES THIS?! (cough::this chick).

I'm not a little girl in the least, and never have been...but the sulking about being alone and single has got to stop. The emotional unconscious stuffing of my face HAS. TO. STOP.

Anyone have any ideas on how I should turn over a healthier leaf? I've got the tools...but the motivation to work out seems to be non existent. Weight loss is something I've NEVER been successful at (mostly because I was so athletic growing up that I never had to worry about my weight...and after I had baby boy the life of my waistline was never the same).

Thoughts from an anal, single 27 year old.

I lay alone, naked, except for my blanket, pillow, small radio and battery operated friend who keep me company. I lay there thinking, yearning really, for a man to be next to me...and then for a brief moment selfishness sweeps over my body.

Do I really want a man to hog the covers?
Do I really want someone to complain about my snoring?
Do I really want to have to tiptoe in the morning because he doesn't have to wake up until 8 or vice versa?

Truth: Yes and No.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Life has been really decent lately. I'm still dedicating 2010 to me, and finding myself having small extra peps in my step. Don't get me wrong, life isn't perfect. I am sick of being alone....and the truth at how alone I am is apparent when there are people whom I would call friends who pretty much refuse to make an effort to spend a night on the town with me because they're dating a new guy.

Can I blame them? Not really.

Tonight I'm planning on going out on the town. The night has two great potentials:

1. Trouble.
2. A major disappointment.

Trouble, because I know I'm going to be drinking. A. Lot. I haven't been out drinking since the night before Thanksgiving. My tolerance isn't what it used to be (read:21st birthday including 17 shots in a five hour time period). I've been eager to go out on the town for a while, and have a feeling I might just do or say something that I'll regret.

A major disappointment because I'm worried the mood/atmosphere will be lame. Although, a good friend of mine reminded me that you can't control if other people have fun, you can only control yourself...and while this is true, I always seem to stress if I feel that others aren't having a good time. Certain people aren't coming out which also bums me out (and if they do happen to show up I'm afraid I might be rude to them for being snarky in the first place). Certain people have early morning plans tomorrow, so I'm worried they won't let loose like they would've on another occasion. Certain people don't know each other because I'm friends with different groups of people. This creates a bit of awkward tension because I know everyone is nice...they just don't open up and it kind of sucks.

I know what you're thinking. I'm reading into this WAY TOO MUCH, right? Well...woe is me. I'm a bit of a control freak I suppose. Maybe it's high time I just let go and let the night happen. Maybe.

Jealousy much?

Whenever my single friends start dating someone, I'm swept with a wave of jealousy. Sure, I'm happy for them, but the jealous feeling creeps into my gut and I KNOW it spews out through my tone.

What's my deal? Yes, I want it to be MY turn..but I think it goes a little deeper than that.

When my single friends start dating one (read: all) of the following runs through my head:

1. Great, that's one less person for me to hang out with.
2. I wonder if their new guy is going to dislike me...?
3. I really want it to be my turn.
4. I'm so happy you FOUND A GOOD PERSON!! (I wanna find a good guy..)
5. Why are you with this person, they sound like a tool!

I try to be completely honest with my friends, and have come to the point where I actually immediately apologize when they tell me how great their current guy is...because I know I don't sound happy (even though, happiness is one of the five things I'm probably feeling).

Recently, I had a discussion with a good friend of mine. Basically, she tried telling me the classic "You meet someone when you stop looking" line of bs. I initially bit my tongue because she never stopped looking or wanting to find a good guy herself.....and then I opened my mouth and told her to "stop trying to down talk her new relationship, I know you didn't stop looking or wanting, and that's how you found him...so be happy, alright?"

ANYWAYS...the point of my rant is this:

I want it to be my turn, but I'm not losing sleep over it. I really AM excited for when I find a guy who will laugh with me, and also let me lean on him when I need a bit of support.

Day 2

In actuality, it was session-2...Whatever.

I think I really like talking with someone..but I'm still embarrassed that in order for me to survive single, I've gotta see a therapist to do so (sidebar: whenever I see or hear the word "therapist", I IMMEDIATELY think of the SNL Jeopardy skit with Sean Connery "I'll take the rapist for 500"....good times).

She is really very helpful. I can speak my mind without offending anyone. Freely. Openly. Without judgement. Heck, the woman even praised me today! It was a really good GREAT feeling.

I never would have imagined me seeing a therapist..in fact, I've scoffed at others in secret, probably mostly because I KNEW I should be talking to some sort of professional for a long time, but was too embarrassed to admit it.

And really, it feels a bit empowering to know and feel like I'm making active steps towards becoming a better me.

I'm not saying it's what EVERYONE SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW...What I'm saying is if you have the resources to see a therapist, I'd suggest you check it out. Even if you feel mentally sound, it's amazing how much better you feel when you let EVERYTHING off of your chest.