Friday, February 5, 2010

Jealousy much?

Whenever my single friends start dating someone, I'm swept with a wave of jealousy. Sure, I'm happy for them, but the jealous feeling creeps into my gut and I KNOW it spews out through my tone.

What's my deal? Yes, I want it to be MY turn..but I think it goes a little deeper than that.

When my single friends start dating one (read: all) of the following runs through my head:
  1. Great, that's one less person for me to hang out with.
  2. I wonder if their new guy is going to dislike me...?
  3. I really want it to be my turn.
  4. I'm so happy you FOUND A GOOD PERSON!! (I wanna find a good guy..)
  5. Why are you with this person, they sound like a tool!

I try to be completely honest with my friends, and have come to the point where I actually immediately apologize when they tell me how great their current guy is...because I know I don't sound happy (even though, happiness is one of the five things I'm probably feeling).

Recently, I had a discussion with a good friend of mine. Basically, she tried telling me the classic "You meet someone when you stop looking" line of bs. I initially bit my tongue because she never stopped looking or wanting to find a good guy herself.....and then I opened my mouth and told her to "stop trying to down talk her new relationship, I know you didn't stop looking or wanting, and that's how you found be happy, alright?"

ANYWAYS...the point of my rant is this:

I want it to be my turn, but I'm not losing sleep over it. I really AM excited for when I find a guy who will laugh with me, and also let me lean on him when I need a bit of support.


Jill said...

Aw, the line about finding when you stop looking...hmmm... I'm not sure how true that is - either in my own experience or in the experiences of my friends. It's equal parts deliberate and random and almost entirely up to fate...

SS+1 said...

Thanks for your insight Jill!