Tuesday, July 9, 2013

On Having Everything

It's no surprise, I continue to do miniature self assessments.  I think about where I am, where I want to be, and where I want to go.  I ask myself if I'm happy with all of the above?  If I'm not happy, I ask myself what I could or should do to potentially shift my path towards happiness.  How would I answer these questions today?
  1. Where am I?  I am living in a single family house, with my own washer and dryer (that do NOT need quarters to operate), and a yard I can plant my heart's desire in.  I live in a great neighborhood, where I can let my son ride his bike, and take evening family strolls without the fear of getting hit by a car, or harmed in some way or another.  I am in a job that is satisfactory, and a bit of a stepping stone until I complete my degree.  On that note, I am actively completing my degree; enrolled full time with the goal of finishing in five semesters.  I am the proud mom of a growing little man, who still manages to find sneaky ways to push buttons even I thought didn't exist.  I drive a car I consider to be a "grown up sporty car" (a purely self-centered materialistic thing, I digress).  I have a dog, who at nine months old makes me laugh every. single. day.  I just bought a chicken coop, and will be traveling to a farm this weekend to investigate buying some pullets; having chickens has been a bucket list item.  I have some great people in my life I can turn to if I need to vent. 
  2. Where I want to be and where I want to go:  I want to be where I am now, but I feel like I'm still missing some things.  I have a non-existent romantic life.  I want to be with a partner in crime; with someone who can be the ying to my yang.  I want this person to be a strong role model for my son, a shoulder for me to cry on, and a person who laughs at my zany humor (I want this person to make me laugh occasionally too).  I want to feel less financially burdened (buying my current car has only added a bit of financial stress, let alone my looming student loan payments that will begin IF and WHEN I finally graduate). 
When I was self reflecting about these topics, I began to wonder how people who appear to "have it all" feel?  Is there such a thing as  "having it all?"  Are humans flawed to always want more? The hopeless optimist in me feels if I had a partner and was financially stable I'd be able to state I have it all.  Perhaps being that close to having it all is the exact pothole that is preventing me from having it all (and then my brain exploded because I've traveled into deep territory that is beginning to confuse me more than anything!).