Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ring of Fire

Some days, I walk around with an air of pride because I am a mom. In a way, it is a badge that states: "I was good/hot/sexy enough for a man to have sex with me."

Today, I walk around with a burden that is becomes heavier each time it comes around. You see, I don't have the almighty wedding ring, nor am I anywhere near to acquiring one. Mainly because I'm obviously not dating anyone, and really have no potential suitors in my near future.

Why do I think being married is Almighty? Because, I envision my non-existent marriage to be with someone who completes me...who makes me a better person, and who is willing to have sex with me 24-7...no questions asked.

Yes, I skipped out on the marriage before the kid...but that doesn't make me any less qualified to be an amazing wife. If anything, it proves to a man that I'd make a(n) great alright mom. I've willingly accepted the fact that I am no longer the highest thing/person on my priority list 9 times out of 10.

I'm not one of those women who needs to get married NOW...but I'm definitely a girl who day dreams about the day mr. right walks into her life...and also of a day where I can say goodbye to mr. right-now.

I look at men and women who wear wedding rings and envy them. They've found the person who completes them (at least, that's what I tell myself). Their lives may not be picturesque, but it's a pretty intense thing to verbally, emotionally and even sometimes spiritually commit yourself to another being....to me, it's powerful and something I strive for.

My heart hopes it happens sooner than later...because all of these lonely nights after baby boy is in bed are sure starting to pay their toll on me.

4 comments:

Brian in Mpls said...

If I was a sheik I would totally have you in my harem.

Julie said...

Honey, let me give you some advice from my own experience....

I had my son when I was almost 30, and finally got married for the first time at age 42.

I had that same feeling, that marriage was the end all/be all of my life. I just knew that when I finally got married, I would be happy just strictly having a Mrs. in front of my new name.

I thought marriage *meant* something. I thought that piece of paper was security...that I was now off the market, would never have to be out there living the single life again, I would have a partner who loved me no matter what, who supported me, who was my "better half".

I was wrong.

Marriage means nothing if you don't have a partner who has the same commitment to it. Marriage doesn't make you a better person unless you are with someone who constantly strives to make himself a better person...which then makes you do the same.

I hope for you....that when you do get married some day, you are lucky enough to have it last longer than the 2 years and 8 days mine did. I thought I was marrying the man of my dreams, and he quickly showed me after we walked down the aisle that marriage for me was going to be a nightmare.

And I swear, as bad as this may sound, I'm not bitter! I want to get married again, but this time for the right reasons. Not just because I was 42 and never married and felt like everyone thought I wasn't loveable...

Pasifik said...

Oh Dear,
I understand that you feel lonely especially when your little boy had slept. And you are hoping Mr. right man come close to you. But, what I can tell you is sometimes marriage not the right solution for your loneliness. So, my suggestion is wait till you really think you're ready to commit/love unconditionally for the whole time one another.

Good luck with your live,

Celtic|Diamond|Wedding Rings

Mandy said...

Just because there is a ring doesn't mean its a happy marriage. Personally I am not a fan of marriage but I know its really important to others. c