Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ring of Fire

Some days, I walk around with an air of pride because I am a mom. In a way, it is a badge that states: "I was good/hot/sexy enough for a man to have sex with me."

Today, I walk around with a burden that is becomes heavier each time it comes around. You see, I don't have the almighty wedding ring, nor am I anywhere near to acquiring one. Mainly because I'm obviously not dating anyone, and really have no potential suitors in my near future.

Why do I think being married is Almighty? Because, I envision my non-existent marriage to be with someone who completes me...who makes me a better person, and who is willing to have sex with me questions asked.

Yes, I skipped out on the marriage before the kid...but that doesn't make me any less qualified to be an amazing wife. If anything, it proves to a man that I'd make a(n) great alright mom. I've willingly accepted the fact that I am no longer the highest thing/person on my priority list 9 times out of 10.

I'm not one of those women who needs to get married NOW...but I'm definitely a girl who day dreams about the day mr. right walks into her life...and also of a day where I can say goodbye to mr. right-now.

I look at men and women who wear wedding rings and envy them. They've found the person who completes them (at least, that's what I tell myself). Their lives may not be picturesque, but it's a pretty intense thing to verbally, emotionally and even sometimes spiritually commit yourself to another me, it's powerful and something I strive for.

My heart hopes it happens sooner than later...because all of these lonely nights after baby boy is in bed are sure starting to pay their toll on me.


Brian in Mpls said...

If I was a sheik I would totally have you in my harem.

Julie said...

Honey, let me give you some advice from my own experience....

I had my son when I was almost 30, and finally got married for the first time at age 42.

I had that same feeling, that marriage was the end all/be all of my life. I just knew that when I finally got married, I would be happy just strictly having a Mrs. in front of my new name.

I thought marriage *meant* something. I thought that piece of paper was security...that I was now off the market, would never have to be out there living the single life again, I would have a partner who loved me no matter what, who supported me, who was my "better half".

I was wrong.

Marriage means nothing if you don't have a partner who has the same commitment to it. Marriage doesn't make you a better person unless you are with someone who constantly strives to make himself a better person...which then makes you do the same.

I hope for you....that when you do get married some day, you are lucky enough to have it last longer than the 2 years and 8 days mine did. I thought I was marrying the man of my dreams, and he quickly showed me after we walked down the aisle that marriage for me was going to be a nightmare.

And I swear, as bad as this may sound, I'm not bitter! I want to get married again, but this time for the right reasons. Not just because I was 42 and never married and felt like everyone thought I wasn't loveable...

Pasifik said...

Oh Dear,
I understand that you feel lonely especially when your little boy had slept. And you are hoping Mr. right man come close to you. But, what I can tell you is sometimes marriage not the right solution for your loneliness. So, my suggestion is wait till you really think you're ready to commit/love unconditionally for the whole time one another.

Good luck with your live,

Celtic|Diamond|Wedding Rings

Mandy said...

Just because there is a ring doesn't mean its a happy marriage. Personally I am not a fan of marriage but I know its really important to others. c