Saturday, December 20, 2008


I'm a walking, talking double standard. I want to have sex...but I won't allow myself to have sex.

My Friday night turned out to be a lot of fun. I was nervous there was going to be a lot of awkwardness, but my apprehensions quickly melted the second he arrived to pick me up. We headed out to a bar, fairly close to my house...ordered a drink, and started talking. His eyes were electrifying....I'm pretty sure that if a guy smells good, is taller than me, and has amazing eyes I would do him, I digress.

The conversation evolved around sports and silly stories from the past. Then it took a swift turn. He started telling me about a girl he was hung up on...a girl who wasn't into him the same way he was into her. My heart sank. It just wasn't appropriate conversation to have considering we were kinda sorta on a date. I brushed it off, but the thought of his hang up remained fresh in the back of my mind.

Our bar extravaganza only lasted a few hours, and included rum and cokes, patron, and a car bomb. I was ready to go balls to the wall...but he suggested we head back to my place for driving reasons. I agreed, and we were home before 11.

I'd like to pat myself on the back here...because I totally made the first move. When we got out of his car, before heading inside, I told him I wanted to tell him something...and then I kissed him. I had been wanting to kiss him since the second I saw him, and it was worth the wait.

We went inside, thanked and sent my friends on their way (who had spent the evening with baby boy)..and we were alone. Some pretty intense making out followed, and then he nonchallantly suggested we move it to the bedroom..I wouldn't allow it for a couple of reasons. As much as I wanted to have wild and crazy sex, I hadn't shaved my legs in over two months, and the thought of his hang-up was still fresh in my mind.

I don't want a one night stand...I've had half a dozen one night stands. I can't emotionally handle them at this point in my life, nor do I think it's appropriate to live my life hopping from one night stand to one night stand for the sake of baby boy. I want more, and I feel like I deserve more.

Here's my little dilemma. I WANT MAN-TENTION! I REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX! GRRRRR. Why does life have to CONSTANTLY throw emotional curve balls at me?!

I just don't know what to do. I'm proud of myself for holding my ground, but I almost regret it.

Yes, I want a boyfriend...and I think the thing that hurts the most is I keep finding these guys who only want sex, no strings attached...and that's not me. I have and will always have strings.


Mandy said...

You are not a double standard. You are am amazing young woman who is making decisions based on not only what is best for you, but also your son. The fact that he was sorta hung up on another girl, you did what you needed to do. :0)

Will there be a second date?s

Julie said...

Hold on, I'm still getting over "balls to the wall".

OK I'm composed now.

You did the right thing. Even though it was hard. I haven't had sex with anybody but my ex in 7 years now. (Yeah, we've been divorced for three and I still haven't slept with anybody but him!) He's putting the full court press on me at this juncture because it's been 5 months since either of us got laid and you have NO IDEA how hard it is for me to say no. I need the weight of a man's body on top of mine!!!!! But I can't go back there with him, not when I've gotten this far away finally.

Grrrr. BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) just ain't cuttin it. He needs to bring a few friends over next time. LOL

Julie said...

Merry Christmas!!!!