Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Pseudo Safety

I don't write as often as I like, but recent conversations about what seems like the slow death of the blog has made me do a bit of self-reflection. 

See, this platform (my blog), was created to help me air frustrations, joys, inner-thoughts, secrets (if you will), in a safe, judgement-free environment.  Sure, this is sort of my dirty little semi-private public diary.....but if I wasn't alright with that I wouldn't take the time every so often to post here. 

What would I do if I didn't have this tiny little corner of the interwebz?  I haven't a flipping clue.  

I'm the type of person who analyzes. everything.  I'm the type of person who needs to let strong thoughts and feelings out lest the potential for spontaneous combustion increases to dangerous levels. 

I'm a person who wishes she had a tight close-knit group of friends.  In a random way, I kinda sorta do...but at the same time, I kinda sorta don't.  I have people in my life I love and respect because they're amazing.  Most of these people are compartmentalized due to various reasons such as marital status, the medium in which our relationship began (e.g. work, college, high school, etc.), children (or lack thereof), or geographical location.  I see others around me (lets be real, mostly through facebook), and I become instantly jealous of what appears to be tight-knit groups everyone but me seems to belong to (wah's the time where I start rolling my eyes at myself because I sound and feel like I'm being a ginormous baby).

My feelings, although seemingly silly at times, are mine.  I'm not ashamed.  At times my feelings seem unjustified though, because although I'm not in a "consistent defined group of  friends" there are times when the people whom I love and care about come out of the woodwork to support me.  The support I'm shown in times of great need are enough to bring a handful of tears to my eyes.  The support people generously dish out is also enough to enhance my strong belief in humanity.

Looking past the few people who try to frustrate the hell out of me on a regular basis, I am so grateful for my current social situation.  I'm am equally grateful for this small corner of the web, and for the sake of my sanity, I'll keep this corner of the web going. 

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