I crawl into bed at night, the sheets welcoming me with their crisp coolness that gradually warms up to wrap my body in heat. It was a good day, not great, just good. The television glow allows my brain to shut off, if only for a few moments. When I turn to my side and see him, my blood pressure rises. The perfect mix of the "guy smell" has my nose dancing with excitement. He's mine, I'm his.
I roll over to go to sleep, excited for what my dreams might bring me, after all, my daytime dreams have already been answered. He wraps his arm around me, slowly brushing my hair off of my neck, pressing his soft lips against my neck. I roll over, and our eyes connect. I never imagined this many passionate feelings could rush through my body on such a regular basis. I go to sleep that night, every nerve in my body euphoric, satisfied, and peaceful.
He loves me.
I love him.
Not a single word above is my reality. What's my reality? Jumping into cold sheets at night...alone. Going to sleep....alone. Waking up...alone. I'll never give up on my dream of having him in my life. Christ, I'll never give up on actually figuring out who my "him" is! I'm a driven person, who has a lot on her plate right now; read: near full-time undergrad coursework, full-time job, homeowner, full-time single parent of a very active little boy, and all of the responsible goodies that come with the previous titles. Someday it will be my turn to share the great news of a proposal, and perhaps even an announcement of new little feet...but for now, today, in this moment, I'm content trudging through life solo because I can't possibly imagine squeezing in a second of time to find "him", especially with all life is throwing at me right now.