Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dear Brother...this is why...

It’s obvious I’m not happy with you, or the way you’ve acted the past three and a half months.  I’m not one to beat around the bush, or act fake.  I can’t fathom any other medium for reaching out to you, and hope you’re able to take this letter and read it a few times because I’m not writing this just for the sake of writing this.

Why am I so upset?  First of all, I asked you over six months ago if you wanted my help finding a new job.  Never once did I say or imply that you NEEDED my help, but I asked you, and you said you’d take all of the help you could get.  So what did I do?  I started asking around, and found a solid job lead.  I went so far as to personally recommend you, and when you refused to speak with me to get your resume lined up, while simultaneously never responding to me, it made me look like an idiot in a professional environment.  To turn around my generosity by telling mom, dad and WHOEVER else that I was being a bitch was absolutely juvenile, disrespectful, and inappropriate.  At that point in the past three and a half months, I decided I had nothing nice to say to you, so I chose to say nothing at all.  The behavior towards me around the fourth of July regarding my son was the cherry on the Sunday.

Here’s where my issues lay:  Drugs appear to be number one on your agenda.  This is evident through your behaviors and actions the entire trip home from California, and the days that followed.  This is also evident through you telling your daughter’s mother that you were planning to grow and sell drugs.  Not cool.  Not funny.  Not responsible.  Not a person I choose to surround myself or my son with.
I’m confused why you think asking me about the yard is and/or was an attempt to speak with me.  It was a question that required a yes or no answer.  I answered you.  Had I chosen to walk away without saying a word, I could understand telling both Mom and Dad that I was blatantly ignoring you, but I didn’t…your words to them were a bit out of line.

It all boils down to the fact that I believe you still have a lot of growing up to do, and attempting to have a relationship with you while you’re at this point in your life proved to be too stressful and non-productive.  So the path I chose was to move on, and stop trying.  I work full time.  I parent full time.  I am enrolled in college full time.  I don’t have TIME to deal with immaturity and irresponsibility.  If and when you grow up, (and decide to make responsible choices) I hope you will realize how hurtful and disrespectful your actions have been towards me, your nephew, your daughter, Mom, Dad…and most of all, yourself.

Dammit , life is too short to spend your time living the way you’ve been living.  Would you have your job if they found out about the drugs?  Nope.  If you can’t expect an employer to employ the real you, how can you expect non-drug users to tolerate you too?  The logic is completely lost on me. 

Also, everything I’ve said above are words I’ve spoken to Mom as well.  I’m a firm believer that I will only say things in life that I am willing to say directly to the person.  I know words from you have been thrown Mom’s way about me (stating I was being a bitch, etc).  If you think being assertive about living a respectful life is bitchy, then so be it, because I don’t feel bad for standing up for myself or my son.

All of these thoughts and feelings are on the eve of what could be the most challenging years of our lives.  You and I both know there’s something going on with Dad.  I haven’t a flipping clue how to approach him.  I’m scared (terrified, really).  I’ve expressed my concerns and frustrations with mom, and she’s let it be known that you’ve experienced the same frustrations.  I don’t know what to do, or how to even approach the situation.  I feel it’s something that needs to be approached delicately as well.

So allow your emotions to get the better of this situation.  Allow yourself to be annoyed at me for caring about you too much to tolerate the idiotic drug induced behavior.  Ignore my cautionary feelings.  Do what you want.  You’re a grown adult, and these thoughts and feelings are coming from a place of love, it’s as simple as that.  My hope is for you to reflect on this situation and see where the missteps were, man-up, recognize them, apologize, and not repeat the same mistakes.

This is my attempt to explain where I am coming from, and why I feel the way I do. Normally I wouldn't justify spending the time to explain myself, but this isn't a normal situation; we're family.

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