Monday, October 27, 2008

Tall Boy

I was going to save explaining TB (Tall Boy) for a rainy day...and what do ya know? It's raining.

Since I'm restricted to stay at home 99% of most nights, I took to the liberty to subscribe to an online dating site. I had tried multiple different sites, and felt most comfortable with the one that cost me the most money (go figure!!).


I was matched up with TB on September 5th (yup...I'm semi-anal with dates, we all wonder why I'm single!) We jumped through the "online communication hoops" set in place by this website, set a date to meet for lunch, enjoyed each other's company, and have hung out three times since then, blah blah blah.

Here's the catch: TB is divorced (which he had failed to mention in his online profile) and the only reason why I say this is because I'm not quite sure if the divorce is final, nor has the opportunity to talk about this presented itself. Thanks to good old Facebook, I discovered a picture of him WITH his wedding ring on that was dated May of 2008. I'm no rocket scientist, but I know it takes more than a couple of months to finalize a divorce.

Why hasn't the opportunity presented itself to discuss this, you ask? Because we've only been on three dates, and I try and refrain from talking about ex's, religion and politics until at LEAST the fifth date. Wouldn't ya know, we aren't really talking on the phone much...only sending back an email once or twice a week.

Another catch: We haven't had a first kiss. I TRIED making my move, but the guy is 6'6, and I'm standing tall at 5'8. I'd have to strategically position myself next to a ladder to reach his lips...seriously!

What's a girl to do? The "ifs ands and buts" have been running wild through my head.
  • What if he's not completely divorced
  • What if he's not into me and just wants to be friends
  • Maybe he just moves slow
  • Maybe he's still apprehensive about getting into a relationship
  • He could be SUPER shy

The only thing I know for certain is he claims to not be bothered by the fact that I have a son (which was great news!).

Another little secret I'll let you in on.... I have been blogging for almost a year, and started this blog because I wanted to be able to write anonymously. Yup, you guessed it. Not only did most of my friends IRL read my blog, but TB happened to find it too. I'm just not ready to publicly plead for dating advice while the man I'm trying to date is reading my innermost thoughts.


abrightfuture said...

I think you have to do what you're comforatble with when it comes to TB. My own personal rule (which works for me, I'm not suggesting that anyone else do this!) is that I won't date someone until their divorce is final.

Maybe the picture was posted on facebook in May but perhaps it was taken earlier?

All I can say is if it's bugging you, then you need to ask the question. I understand the not delving into heavy stuff too early on, but you have a right to know if he's divorced or not. You're not asking for the history of his now failed marriage or anything...just a status.

Also of note is that he didn't mention being divorced on his profile. Hmmmmm.

Questions worth asking and answers you're entitled to.

Keep us posted!!

Brian in Mpls said...

Could be either or...

When I first got divorced I was terrified to date it probably took me 5 dates to get up the nerve to kiss (Thankfully this disapates rather quickly when you get But if he is in this stage I would stay away anyways since he is probably not in a super good place to be in any kind of stable realtionship.

The other side is if he has only had the oppertunity to do it in public and hasn't could be worried about someone telling on him and he is probably still married.

I would just ask him directly or better yet have a friend look up his record and see if it is final.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'd probably ask him. Simple and to the point. If he's divorced, tell him to squat have a secret to tell him...then plant one on him!

Matt said...

3 dates and no heavy petting?

What is this world coming to?

Hex said...

Divorce paperwork takes forever. The real question you need an answer to is that has everyone really moved on. In this modern era moves a lot faster than legalzoom.

It might not be the most fun conversation in the world, but just straight up ask about it -- better to get it out in the open air, you know?

SS+1 said...

abrightfuture - Thanks, will do!

brian in mpls - I wish I knew someone to look up his record...that's pretty sneaky!

real live lesbian - I WISH I were that smooth!!!

matt - agreed.

hex - wondering if he's actually moved on has been tugging at me since I found out he was divorced...the same could hold true about him knowing I'm a single mom....only time will tell :)

All - Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate EVERYONE's input :)

So@24 said...

Ahhh what would we do without the tools of Facebook at our disposal?

Megkathleen said...

I imagine since he's in the middle of a divorce he's just moving slow. Maybe he's having a hard time bringing it up. Really, I have no idea, I'm horrible at dating.

Alexa said...

ive been wanting to blog anonymously to talk about boys because so many of the boys in my life read my blog and it sucks. i'm glad you made an outlet for yourself!

SS+1 said...

so@24 - I cannot fathom such a thing..hehe

megkathleen- ME TOO!

alexa - thanks! :)