Sunday Blues

Today, I sit and I cry. I cry about things that are not. I cry about things that could be, but won't. I sit. I cry.

I know my hormones are bringing about this intense surge of eeyore syndrome. I know it will (most likely) only last today and tomorrow I will wake up with strength to shelve these emotions.

I want a home with a yard for my child to play in, and I cry because I don't foresee that happening before he is in kindergarten (or ever). My credit is horrible, and my income is just enough to keep the lights on, and pay daycare.

I cry because others around me are afforded great opportunity, and I wonder why I haven't been afforded the same because I work just as hard, if not harder (yeah, I am the complete and total makings of a solo pity party...).

I cry because my relationship with my father has faded into nothing, and it kills me.

I cry because my mom has a new found freedom that doesn't include me, but her "boyfriend" and the nearest bar or bottle of beer.

I cry because my brother is going to be sent to war, and I cry for his daughter and the possibility that she might not ever know her father.

I cry because the hope of me finding a man to compliment my life seems impossibly impossible.

I cry because I feel like I am failing my child. Yes, he might not think so today...but in 20 years I fear he will look back and hold animosity towards me...for not affording him a stable nucleic family that I had growing up....

I sit alone, and I cry.