Hello World

A few updates since my last post:

1. I popped my Vegas Cherry...and it was amazing
2. I am still single
3. I keep finding myself sexting with Alaska....even though my gut tells me I'm just keeping myself busy because I'm so damn lonely
4. I'm now the parent of a school-aged child
5. I am now using up six months of a free dating website because the first six months did not land me my "match"
6. I'm extremely tempted to break my dry spell by sleeping with a married man, which makes me feel even more low for multiple reasons
7. It's been so long since I've had sex that:

• My vibrator is sick of me
• I'm beginning to think I might be deemed a born again virgin

Care to weigh in?

Price Check, Aisle SERIOUSLY?!

I was pushing three grocery bags full of vegetables with a fresh outlook on life to my car (over my lunch break). It was a GORGEOUS sunny November day...the kind we don't see in Minnesota very often. The air was warm, the sun was bright, life was good.

Today was different, although I didn't know it yet.

I happily pushed my shopping cart to my car, unloaded my loot, and went to push the shopping cart to the cart rack. As I was walking, I passed a man. Tall, with an eight o'clock shadow hugging his face. He was dressed casual, but nice. His shoes were well kept, and made from brown leather.

"Hi" he said to me as I passed him. It was a familiar "hi." I politely responded and then started racking my brain. Why did he seem like he knew me? Am I supposed to know him? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

When I turned around after returning my cart, he was standing still, staring at me.

"I'm totally checking you out." He was more forward than a drunk man at bar close time.

"Oh, ok"...that was the best I could come up with.

I We walked back towards my car...He was flooding me with compliments.

"I am so attracted to you. I normally don't do this, but I like to go after things that I like, and what can I say? I am really really attracted to you."

I could physically hear every word from his mouth, but at the same time it fell upon deaf ears because my inner conscious was screaming at me: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME? IS THIS GUY CRAZY? IS HE GOING TO TRY TO KIDNAP ME? OH SHIT, HE'S A PSYCHO SERIAL KILLING RAPIST!!! (OBVIOUSLY I have trust issues, I digress).

"Do a lot of guys talk to you and tell you this? I'm sure they do. How do I say this? I am really attracted to large chests" BOOM, there it was....WHO SAYS THAT?! Oh, that's right, this random dude does.

He asked if we could exchange numbers, but I tiptoed around it. I tiptoed around any sort of personal question (and by any, the only other personal question he asked me was if I worked close to the grocery store..which I do, so I told him yes, but I didn't elaborate beyond that). Maybe avoiding personal exchanges was for the best, but maybe I just blew my chance at finding my Him. What have I learned from this? I really need to work on my flirting/social skills!....Mama is severely RUSTY (when she hasn't had a glass or three of vino).

Back to the Future

Once something moves into the past for me, it almost ALWAYS stays there. The same cannot be said of Alaska. Since I doubt anyone will read the link, in a nutshell, here is his story:

• We were both in the wedding party of a good friend of mine in August of 2009.
• We both consumed a rediculous amount of alcohol.
• We ended up in a hot and heavy makeout session.
• He drove me home the next morning...his buddy sat in the front seat...the same buddy who also crawled UNDER THE COVERS next to us the night before, I digress...I sat in the backseat.
• Numbers were never exchanged, but I managed to find his email address.
• I emailed him a three-sentence message...he replied with a three sentence message...I replied...and I never heard from him again.

Thinking back to the time Alaska had flooded my thoughts, I was head over heels smitten...For a man whom I BARELY KNEW! Sure, we had mutual friends, but my GOD, it's not like we had ever hung out before the wedding...WHAT IN THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?! Note to me: Take your stereotypical girl $hit and $hove it where the $un don't $hine...seriously.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday was as gorgeous as days can get on a Minnesota October day. I was (forced) to spend the day with my family....midway through the morning my phone alerted me to an email.

Slap me backwards and call me sally, it was a three-sentence email from Alaska. My jaw dropped. When asked what was going on, all I stated was I received an email from a guy I used to know, and refused to elaborate further. The stereotypical girl wanted to IMMEDIATELY RESPOND with "YES! I WILL MARRY YOU!!...or...I mean...Ummmm...I'm fine, how are you?"....but I couldn't bring myself to say ANYTHING.

Peeps...I'm clueless. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not extremely happy with my physical appearance...I've had little to no success in the dating relm, and most days, I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize with adults, much less FLIRT (omg, I blush just thinking about it).

The night of my friend's wedding, I was confident. I was carefree. I wasn't a mom. I was me. Why in the HELL does this guy have to live in the US, albeit an effing country away?!

Parental Support.

Who would have thought that throwing a kid's birthday party entailed SO. MUCH. WORK.

The cleaning.
The food.
The entertainment.
The decorations.
The timing.

It was worth every sweaty second.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I rarely associate with the parents of baby boys daycare friends. Since our kids are in daycare together, rest assured the parents work mostly full time, and use the weekends for themselves (as do I...so no biggie, really).

Have I mentioned that none of my close friends are parents...let alone single parents...let alone even remotely CLOSE to having children of their own? It's been a big struggle for me. A struggle to find common ground with people who I used to spend countless hours doing random things or drinking our night away at the bars.

Since baby boy has come into my life, I've selfishly wished that I could find parents that I could relate with, hang out with, and confide in. It seems like a simple task....wrong. Let's put it this way (and I know this is going to sound off) but I think it would be easier to raise ten boys at the same time, than to find a group of supportive parents to hang out with. Srsly.

I've looked for parenting groups, and haven't found a single one that I:

1. Feel comfortable attending
2. Fits into my schedule

When it came time for baby boy's birthday party, I invited my niece, our neighbor, and three boys from daycare.

Worrying about finding common ground with the daycare mom's, I sat and wondered, "What could I possibly have in common with two women who are married, and are most definitely more financially stable than I am?!" ...And then our boys walked into the room together.

The light bulb illuminated.

A night I want to erase.

I took a break from alcohol for the month of march. I had fun without spending unnecessary money. I remembered the details of entire evenings, and I did it all sober.

It's not that I have a problem with alcohol. The break was to prove to myself that I don't have issues with it.

On Saturday I was invited to go out with a friend of mine, and company she had visiting from out of town. The day before, I was informed the company was a lesbian couple. I don't understand why she felt the need to tell me that, because I would not have cared less. I felt a little uncomfortable with the situation of just the four of us kicking it...but decided to meet the pair before passing judgement. Honestly, their sexual orientation was NONE of my business.

When I met up with them to grab a quick bite before we went out, I was jovial. One of the girls was very talkative and comfortable, as was my friend...but one was oddly quiet. Since this was my first time drinking, I tried making the most of the situation, but I'd be lying if I told you I was comfortable.

The four of us headed back to my friend's place, and proceeded to mix up cocktails. Late in the evening we decided to walk to the watering hole just down the road, and have some shots and chill. Walking in, I ran into a kid I went to high school with. He was a dick in high school and things hadn't changed. I tried saying hello, and he shrugged me off. His loss I suppose!

We sat at the same table I had been at on the last day of February. I looked around, and the same guy I hit on the last day of February was there. In a nutshell, I had made an ass of myself the last time I was at this place, and should've known the guy was going to be there, I digress.

I ordered us a round of shots, brought them to the table, and EVERYONE turned their nose up to them. Yes, the bartender had effed the shots up and they were heavy on Crown, but WHO CARES! They were shots, we were drinking. My feelings were hurt that I was the only one who took the shot, not to mention I was already inebriated, which intensified my internal pity party even more.

I continue to browse the bar crowd, and who do I see but the guy I made out with the last time I drank..ya know...on the last day of February when I was on a roll. Not only had I made out with this guy, but I had given him my number and he never called me. Burn.

When I saw him, he actually knew the majority of the people at the bar. I was completely taken aback, sitting there while he walked around shaking people's hands and saying hello. You see, (not that it matters) when I had met him just over a month earlier at the same establishment he was sitting quiet, not talking to anyone. Picking the same bar I had met him at seemed like a safe bet for me (not that i was avoiding him...but I didn't NEED to see him). I felt like a tool.

My mood was intensified when I had a verbal spat with my friend , in front of her company. It was mis-communication on both of our parts...and it didn't help the stellar night I was having. At. All.

Since I was drunk, I wanted to smoke because it's the ONLY time I can smoke...weird, I know. Nobody in my group smoked, so I had to go up to Make-Out boy and bum one from him. I told him he should come outside and smoke with me, and he obliged. I was looking forward to clearing the air (lol, that's funny considering we were smoking...I digress yet again!). I wasn't half way through my cig and my friend walked up and said they were walking home, and told me I was coming with her. Huh-WHAT?

At that point, I wanted to punch her in the face. My night was already shitty, and there she was, yanking me away from a boy I was talking with...a boy who, if anything, could have been my drunk make-out buddy. Grr.

Did I mention it was snowing at this point? Huge, frozen, beautiful snowflakes were everywhere, and it was APRIL. Double Grr.

I wanted to leave the situation completely. I didn't want to leave my car, because if I left I didn't want to go back to the house the next day. I knew I couldn't drive, so I had to suck it up and pass out. It sucked.

So today, I sit here bummed with a headache. I guess I was fortunate to have many fun nights that included drinking, moreso than not. Last night was one of those "nots."

The night could have been worse, sure...but I know the night also could've been better.

Ms. Clean

I tend to compensate for feeling alone by buying things...lots of things. Before baby boy, I would spend my time spending money, running all over town, and only being at home to sleep (sometimes). I was neglecting simple things like cleaning, or cooking at home. Since baby boy was born, I'm home. all. the. time.

I'm becoming more adjusted to being forced to be at home and be a "responsible adult" (it's been a long and arduous process...trust me). However, one thing I haven't been the best at is cleaning. It's a combination of my mess and baby boy's mess...and it never fails to overwhelm me, specifically laundry. I don't know why I suck at cleaning, it has never been one of my strong suites.

Something clicked around turkey-day this year. Maybe I can attribute it to my lack of family togetherness, I don't really know....like I said, something clicked.

I went on a shopping spree, acquired a new tv, and told myself I couldn't watch it until my house was clean. Although I didn't clean my entire apartment to a sparkling shine, that Friday I sure made an awesome dent.

The past two Friday's I have spent the day at home, cleaning. Although it's not the most entertaining to do on a Friday...it's great to sit in a house that's actually clean and mostly clutter free. Even though I was at home folding socks, switching loads, and separating lights from dark all night long, it feels liberating to have 95% of my laundry clean, and put away.

My clean house makes me smile.

I'm Cool...Seriously

My brother is in the service, stationed in a European country. He arrived home this past Saturday. Saturday night we had a party..it.was.awesome.

My mom had taken the liberty of reserving a hotel suite downtown. She knew there were going to be a lot of people coming down, and let's face it, my family knows how to party.

I arrived around 6, when I was able to get my sitter to come over for baby boy. The beer was flowing, and life was good. I had two missions that night. 1) Get wasted. 2) Find a boy and make-out

Once the booze was flowing, life was amazing. Laughs, stories and great memories were had. By around 9pm, I was black out drunk (goal 1 accomplished...yessssss).

My friend and I decided to venture around downtown to some local bars to see how I could go about checking my second goal off of my list. The first bar we hit up was LAME. It was packed, and the bartenders didn't know what they were doing. I was charged five dollars for a half shot of captain, with a LOT of cola. Redonkulous!!! Needless to say, that bartender didn't get a tip from me!!

We took a cab to a bar I used to work at (back in the day) but hadn't visited in a long time. There were seats open at the bar, and the bartender looked vaguely familiar (remember, I WAS WASTED by this point...).

Two more drinks and about fifteen minutes later, my brother and two of his friends showed up. I snagged one friend aside, and talked him into doing shots of tequila with me. APPARENTLY* after the first shot, I decided to have him lick salt off of my hand for the next three rounds of shots we did (me, licking the salt off of his hand...kind of a lame move, but it was the best I had!! haha).

This dude drove me home, and I was so smooth that I basically threw myself at him once everyone left his car. We made out for about five seconds. I left his car, and APPARENTLY** ran up to my sitters bf and told him I loved him and that he was my boyfriend, but just didn't know it yet***.

Then, I did the coolest thing of all. I drunk texted my brothers friend, and called him about ten times in a row. Don't you wish you were as cool as me? And I wonder why I'm single!!!

All in all, I accomplished both of my goals, and had a damn good time doing it!



*I only remember one shot, and was told today of the other 3 and the way in which we took them.

**I don't remember seeing my sitter OR her bf.

***However, every time I see her bf (even when I'm sober) I always tell him I'm his girlfriend..and he doesn't know it yet. He's hot....like, really really hot!