Indulgent.

I was indulgent this past weekend. Severely indulgent. At one point (or another), I consumed pizza, turkish food, homemade hollandaise (with hashbrowns, green peppers and onions), spicy alfredo (with rotini pasta, asparagus and butternut squash), and even managed to squeeze in a few fudge striped cookies.

As I sat on my couch last night, munching on said fudge striped cookies, I started asking myself "Why in the world are you treating your body like this?!". The only answer that I could feasibly come up with is: control.

I've been sitting on a rather large decision lately...that to return to school to finish earning my bachelors degree. Sure, it doesn't sound like it would be a horribly tough decision, because when can a bachelors degree be a bad thing? Well, I'm here to tell you, a bachelors degree can be a horrible thing if you're facing adding about 20k in debt to your already tarnished credit.

My questions have turned from "when am I going back to school" to "do I need to go to a noteworthy school to have this be worth my debt? or could I settle for a less expensive route that have the means to the same exact end?" The debate goes on.

I've asked my parents - they tell me to talk to someone else.
I've asked facebook - I've received a couple of great comments...but still can't make up my mind.
I've asked a really good childhood friend - She really didn't know what to tell me, and ended the conversation with a "Well, good luck!"

I've even gone so far as to REALLY think about my five year plan...where I want to be, or what I want to do. Here's the path's I've come up with:

1. Move abroad for a year post graduating, only if I could defer said student loans until I return AND figure out a way to move baby boy in a safe and healthy manner. The institution I earn my degree from wouldn't be AS imperative...
2. Post degree, apply for an upgraded position within the current company that I work...which would MOST LIKELY entail moving to a different state, as the current market I'm working in has little to no room for growth. Taking this route would mean that the institution I earn my degree from wouldn't matter as much...
3. Apply for better paying position in the current city I'm living in. This route would make the place I earn my degree from a little more important.

So I ate. And ate. And, yes, ate some more. I don't know which school is best for me, and I certainly can't pinpoint where my life will lead me in the next five years. My decision seems all the more challenging, because it's the life of my son AS WELL as my life that will inevitably be affected.

I'm still eating today...because maybe by the next bite or the next gulp of my indulgent mint coffee I'll attain some sliver of clarity.

Sure there are other problems in the world greater than mine...I get that. Currently, right now...this is all I can think about.

Are you gonna eat that, or can I have it? thanks.

Tell me about yourself.

Over my extended weekend, I was asked a question I haven't been asked in a while (it was more of a request, really). Tell me something about yourself.

I drew a blank.

He wanted to know a story from my past, something intriguing...and I couldn't think of a thing.

Laying in bed last night, I came up with a million and one things I should have said. Of course, I can barely remember any of those things today...but I'm going to my best to jot them down here so they remain implanted in my memory banks for the next time I see Him.

When I was a senior in High School, I thought I was pretty bad ass...and by that, I mean I used to take straight pulls of vodka, while sitting in my car two blocks from a bowling alley...then drive to said bowling alley and hang out for the night.

I used to live in a house with five other girls. It was a very dramatic time in my life. We rarely all got along. In fact, I don't talk to a single one of those girls to this day, and I'm not sad about it.

I love jumping in puddles.

I really really really want to have sex under a willow tree. Really. I think it has something to do with the magical scene from The Little Mermaid during the Kiss The Girl song...Yes, I'm crazy. In my heart, it sounds amazing and hot...In my head, I know it will be disappointing and painful...It's still something I want to give a go at.

I've been a horrible judge of character when it comes to the men I've let into my life. I may seem guarded, but I can't really think of one positive man I've had a relationship with...and I'm the type of girl who looks at the glass as being half full. Because of this, I'm very guarded about who I let into baby boy's life...that's just how it is.

I'm simple. If I get the chance, I'll go to a movie by myself. I'll watch just about any sporting event...and the next night be content with reading a book..

I'm ready to make new amazing memories with someone.

Is there anything that sticks out in your head when presented with the request to tell me about yourself? I'd love to hear your stories!

Dude.

I guess I kind of have a date with a guy on Friday(?). I don't really know what to think of it...I mean, he's my age, and I think he's attractive (aka, I'd totally "do him"..lol)

Here's the catch: He's friends with my brother.

I THINK my brother is just being protective, but his mixed signals about me and Dude hanging out makes me wonder...

When I questioned Brother about if it was cool that I hung out with Dude, he said he didn't care. When I questioned Brother if he thought Dude and I would get along, I was met with a murky response. Yes, my brother knows Dude quite well...but unless he tells me I am crazy for hanging out with Dude, the plans are going to be kept.

The plan for Dude and I is to meet and go out to a bar. I've officially challenged him to a tequila shot-off since I hardly remember the last shots we did together. The night is definitely going to be casual, and hopefully filled with a lot of laughs. I'm excited to be going out with a cute boy that I may or may not have already kissed (cough::the tequila shots of three weeks ago were my demise::cough).

This mama is ready for some much needed man-tention..that's for sure!