Turning Back Tuesdays

Introducing: A Bad Night

Not only did my senior year prove to be a year of firsts (first time I was drunk, first boyfriend, first prom, etc.) I learned the hard way that you can't always trust who you're with.

I was with a friend of mine DO and it was March 16th. We decided to visit his friend's college apartment, and have a few drinks. For me, all it took was two vodka sours, and I was tipsy. Really, I rarely, if ever drank. My rocky family life had caused me to lose interest in abiding by their rules. I was the driver that night, but at the time, didn't plan on coming home.

So there I was; myself, DO who was a year younger than me, (and just so happened to be my "one and only ex's" friend), sitting at his coworkers apartment. In a confusing nutshell; JR, DO and this college guy, ASS, had all worked together.

The exact details of the night have faded from my memory, but I can tell you this. At one point, DO and I were in the bathroom together, talking about life. We were both drunk*, and we ended up making out. That was all, it was completely innocent.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting on ASS's couch. They had put in the movie Animal House. DO got up, and went back to the bathroom to talk on his phone. I was bored with the movie, so I closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, ASS was rubbing my stomach. I was frozen like a deer in headlights. My eyes continued to stay shut. In my head, I was asking myself "what in the hell is this guy doing?" My body was frozen. He then decided I was passed out enough to have sex with me. I was violated by a man I barely knew... I didn't open my eyes and say "HEY! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" because I was scared shitless.

When DO returned from the bathroom, ASS and went in to clean himself up, I opened my eyes, immediately started crying, and told DO we needed to leave. He went along with me, and once we were to my car I explained what had just happened. I swear I felt like a scene straight out of the movie KIDS had just taken place. In fact, I feel disgusting writing it all out on here. As horrible as this story may seem, it is a piece of my puzzle. A piece that may (or may not) help me to unravel the reason's behind why I am the way I am with men.

*drunk at that point in my life had literally entailed two drinks...and was nowhere near what I would consider drunk today...I still haven't decided if that's good or bad!