Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Playing with Fire

Strike a match and watch it burn.  If you let the match burn for too long, the inevitable happens.  You get burned.

I've heard others say how dating can be no different than playing with fire; more specifically when dating turns complicated.  I'm here to tell you, I find it difficult to fathom dating becoming more complicated than a married man being interested in you.

I like to believe I'm a rational person.  I also would like to believe I'm open to the possibility of love.  In this instance, I'm not pushing him away through my honesty (at least not intentionally).  I can't allow myself to be burned by letting this match burn too long.  There's too much at stake.  My emotional well being, toppled by the fact a new semester is beginning in a week, my son returns to school, my job is only getting busier, and the laundry can't seem to complete itself without my involvement.  I don't have time to nurse wounds right now.  I want to let him in, but I can't because I know the inevitable burn blister will fester, eventually pop and quite possibly lead to a wicked nasty infection that I don't have the time, patience or energy to devote to healing.


In moments like these I long for life to be easy...if only once.  I remember his touch.  His smile made me melt and his mannerisms I find to be endearing. 

No different than ripping a band aid off on the count of 2 instead of 3, I need to rip myself from this situation.  I need to walk away with my head high knowing that I'll find a man who feels the same way, having faith he exists not within the contexts of ALREADY BEING MARRIED.  I'm far from perfect, but I have morals I am unwilling to compromise.  I know in my heart of hearts I deserve more, as does my baby boy.

Today the smell of sulfur from the match I've blown out gives me peace.  I know, so long as the match remains snuffed out, I have done the right thing.

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