Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Vortex

I find myself in a cyclic vortex of emotions when I make small attempts to satisfy my physical needs with a physical relationship. A vortex that, since becoming a parent, has made dating damn near impossible. A vortex that envelopes my emotions far too rapidly for my own mind to digest. A vortex that, at times, feels like it's suffocating me. A vortex that prevents me from being my true self.

When I escape the vortex I immediately feel equal parts of relief and disappointment. Perhaps someday this vortex of emotions will feel easy, and spin me in the direction of companionship. Perhaps someday I'll find solace in the daily happenings of my life, and won't feel inclined to enter the vortex again. Perhaps one day, the vortex will sweep me up and spit me out again.

Life, for me, feels 98% unpredictable. I've been alright with the unpredictability, but I certainly need to practice breathing, relaxation, and focusing on my true self the next time the vortex sucks me in.

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