He finally came over, late at night. I answered the door in skimpy nightie. He came in, and I'd be lying if I said the first five minutes weren't a little awkward.
His voice was deep. His smile was nice. His facial expressions were hilarious. After the first five minutes passed, the conversation in my kitchen seemed very smooth. Almost effortless. Almost. There was a rather large white elephant in the room. See, we had spent the past two weeks texting about sleeping with each other. At the risk of borrowing a plot straight out of Hollywood, we were planning to use one another for one thing; Sex.
After about an hour, the Heidi Fleiss inside of me made my move, "I was in a minor fender bender in January, and my back is killing me...Would you give me a massage?" He obliged. To feel his weight on top of mine left me feeling extremely vulnerable. His ass was literally hot (which made me giggle a little, I digress). The strength of his hands forced my mind to wander. After a while I found myself in his arms. It was comfortable. It was what I had been craving for a long time.
The time was melting away, and before we both knew it, it was 2:30 in the morning. We were both falling asleep. We had both melted into one another. He was ten minutes away from leaving when he rolled on top of me, and we had our first kiss. His lips were perfect. His touch was just as I imagined it to be, intoxicating.......but he couldn't stay, even if he wanted to because it wouldn't be fair to baby boy to awake to a strange man in Mommy's bed.
I don't pride myself on too many things in life, but one thing I will stand steadfast by is the fact that I am very guarded about who I introduce into baby boy's life. I'm a bit of a mama bear when it comes to what I expose him to. I am honest with him, but there are certain things that are damn near impossible to explain to a little man...like, when he abruptly walks into mommy's room at 3am and finds a (fully clothed) man on top of mommy (yeah, I'm totally getting mom of the year award for this one).
He quickly rolled off of me, and hid next to my bed. I quickly got up, swooped up baby boy, and brought him back to bed. He asked "mommy, who was that guy?" and my heart skipped a beat. What have I done? Have I damaged my baby boy? Is he going to think ill of mommy, because mommy was being selfish and looking to fill a void that has been present in mommy's heart for a loooooooooong time? He's too little to understand, so it's almost a waste of breath for me to try to explain anything to him.
The man in my room was equally freaked out by the situation. I had been honest, and told him he couldn't stay because there was a possibility my baby boy would walk into my room and want to sleep next to mommy. When he left, there was no kiss goodbye, which reminded me this was not about romance, rather, two consensual adults fulfilling voids that had been present in their lives for far too long.