hmph

I stand naked in front of my bathroom mirror with a robe loosely draped over my shoulders. I keep having vivid flashbacks of the time we spent touching and holding each other. As I stare at my naked body I think, would he be settling with me? My back begins to itch...damn its tough being single when you need lotion slathered onto your back.

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1:15pm. I sit holding my phone mentally debating if I should call him. I've had a sitter fall into my lap for tomorrow night and want to see him...but my inner self screams NO IT'S TOO SOON! LET HIM CALL YOU....but since when do I listen to myself?

I hit "send" and my heart immediately begins racing.

Ring, ring, ring, ring aaaaaaand to voicemail I went.

I was hoping he would answer but expecting his voicemail. Either way I had a plan for what I was going to say to prevent my normal brainfarts from overcoming me like they do far too often.

"Hi, I know this is slightly bold and brazin, but a friend of mine wanted to watch baby boy tomorrow night so I was thinking we could hang out. If we don't hang out I'll most likely wind up reading a book at a coffee shop, so if you could call me back to let me know that would be great. Hope you're having a good weekend"

Click.

I haven't heard back from him, and, again I'm hoping for the best but expecting absolutely nothing. The best gift I can offer him is a choice.

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As I was laying in bed tonight, I heard a quote on the radio "the first time you are a victim and the second time you are a volunteer." So sue me. I AM a volunteer with him... but I refuse to be a fool, I deserve more than that.