Thoughts from an anal, single 27 year old.

I lay alone, naked, except for my blanket, pillow, small radio and battery operated friend who keep me company. I lay there thinking, yearning really, for a man to be next to me...and then for a brief moment selfishness sweeps over my body.

Do I really want a man to hog the covers?
Do I really want someone to complain about my snoring?
Do I really want to have to tiptoe in the morning because he doesn't have to wake up until 8 or vice versa?

Truth: Yes and No.

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Life has been really decent lately. I'm still dedicating 2010 to me, and finding myself having small extra peps in my step. Don't get me wrong, life isn't perfect. I am sick of being alone....and the truth at how alone I am is apparent when there are people whom I would call friends who pretty much refuse to make an effort to spend a night on the town with me because they're dating a new guy.

Can I blame them? Not really.

Tonight I'm planning on going out on the town. The night has two great potentials:

1. Trouble.
2. A major disappointment.

Trouble, because I know I'm going to be drinking. A. Lot. I haven't been out drinking since the night before Thanksgiving. My tolerance isn't what it used to be (read:21st birthday including 17 shots in a five hour time period). I've been eager to go out on the town for a while, and have a feeling I might just do or say something that I'll regret.

A major disappointment because I'm worried the mood/atmosphere will be lame. Although, a good friend of mine reminded me that you can't control if other people have fun, you can only control yourself...and while this is true, I always seem to stress if I feel that others aren't having a good time. Certain people aren't coming out which also bums me out (and if they do happen to show up I'm afraid I might be rude to them for being snarky in the first place). Certain people have early morning plans tomorrow, so I'm worried they won't let loose like they would've on another occasion. Certain people don't know each other because I'm friends with different groups of people. This creates a bit of awkward tension because I know everyone is nice...they just don't open up and it kind of sucks.

I know what you're thinking. I'm reading into this WAY TOO MUCH, right? Well...woe is me. I'm a bit of a control freak I suppose. Maybe it's high time I just let go and let the night happen. Maybe.