Part one of Two

Embarrassed.
Sad.
Angry.
Annoyed.
Scared.

My brother and I haven't had much of a relationship for a long time now. We're different. We don't get along well, and never have. About four years ago he enlisted in the Navy.

I was livid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...he was choosing to be "responsible" for ONCE in his life. However, I am still upset with him that signing up for the military was the only option he foresaw that would force him to clean up his life for the sake of his small daughter (who was just a baby at the time he enlisted). In my eyes, having a child should have been reason enough for him to stop using drugs. Having a child should have been reason enough to stay home at night instead of running around town at night. Having a child should have been enough motivation to keep a full-time job so he could provide and watch his daughter grow up....But those weren't strong enough motivating factors in his life to stay sober...All the boy could breath was the military.

I was proud to hear he was on the straight and narrow.....but if you ask me, I think his straight and narrow is a facade because when he comes home on leave, he's a wreck loose.

When he's home, all the kid wants to do is run with his crew. Drink. Be "social." Run around town all night. Sleep all day.

I get it..he's on "vacation". Whatever. He's irresponsible, and his actions make me think that he's still the same manipulative druggie he was six years ago. I'm through buying his "good guy" act.

So...where is all of this back story going?

Last night, I called my mom to tell her I scheduled a massage for myself on Thursday night. A second into the telephone conversation she told me my brother was going to Afghanistan in April. Her exact words were "We aren't going to get all goofy about this. He's going. It is what it is."

She sounded strong. I felt like I could talk with her, and be honest.

I was wrong.