Orientation

Well, folks....I've done up and done it. I'm admitted to college, set to begin classes in January....BUT....

This entire process has added roughly 1-million grey hairs to my twenty-something head. Since my former education didn't quite measure up to my new college's standards (read: my GPA sucked monkey balls), I was admitting as a student on ACADEMIC PROBATION. Yeah yeah yeah..I was young when I failed to be a successful college student, whatever, I was going back to school NOW so academic schmoschmation as far as I'm concerned.

The hoops my "probation" "required" me to go through:

1. Maintain a GPA of 2.5 or greater my first semester of school.
2. Have a course completion rate of 75% or greater.
3. Complete an online Academic Success Workshop.
4. Attend an In-Person Orientation

The orientation was last night and OH MY GOD! Who, in their right mind, schedules an orientation to begin at 5pm on a weekday. THE MIDDLE OF EFFING RUSH HOUR (as you can tell, I'm not your typical "yay I'm soooooooooo excited to be going to school...yippee" kind of gal..I want to go to class, pass with flying colors, and get my degree ASAP).

Not only did the orientation start at one of the worst possible times, but it was four flipping hours long. I HOPED to POSSIBLY sneak out early but NOPE...DIDN'T happen since you had to have a stupid sheet signed off to PROOVE that you were there (psha!).

Note to self: Don't mess up college this time around...it's a bitch to re-enroll and get your academic career back on track

Back to the Future

Once something moves into the past for me, it almost ALWAYS stays there. The same cannot be said of Alaska. Since I doubt anyone will read the link, in a nutshell, here is his story:

• We were both in the wedding party of a good friend of mine in August of 2009.
• We both consumed a rediculous amount of alcohol.
• We ended up in a hot and heavy makeout session.
• He drove me home the next morning...his buddy sat in the front seat...the same buddy who also crawled UNDER THE COVERS next to us the night before, I digress...I sat in the backseat.
• Numbers were never exchanged, but I managed to find his email address.
• I emailed him a three-sentence message...he replied with a three sentence message...I replied...and I never heard from him again.

Thinking back to the time Alaska had flooded my thoughts, I was head over heels smitten...For a man whom I BARELY KNEW! Sure, we had mutual friends, but my GOD, it's not like we had ever hung out before the wedding...WHAT IN THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?! Note to me: Take your stereotypical girl $hit and $hove it where the $un don't $hine...seriously.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday was as gorgeous as days can get on a Minnesota October day. I was (forced) to spend the day with my family....midway through the morning my phone alerted me to an email.

Slap me backwards and call me sally, it was a three-sentence email from Alaska. My jaw dropped. When asked what was going on, all I stated was I received an email from a guy I used to know, and refused to elaborate further. The stereotypical girl wanted to IMMEDIATELY RESPOND with "YES! I WILL MARRY YOU!!...or...I mean...Ummmm...I'm fine, how are you?"....but I couldn't bring myself to say ANYTHING.

Peeps...I'm clueless. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not extremely happy with my physical appearance...I've had little to no success in the dating relm, and most days, I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize with adults, much less FLIRT (omg, I blush just thinking about it).

The night of my friend's wedding, I was confident. I was carefree. I wasn't a mom. I was me. Why in the HELL does this guy have to live in the US, albeit an effing country away?!

Nuckin Futs.

For 18 years of my life, my family felt "normal" albeit EXTREMELY dysfunctional. I get that their divorce was virtually imminent. I get that their relationship was extremely unhealthy for all parties involved. But it was my family, and when the divorce became unavoidable ten years ago, my world fell apart.

My parents have been divorced for 10 years.

My mom had started a new relationship with a man she had worked with. A relationship while she was still married. A relationship that was uncovered by my then 15 year old brother, in our house, which included him walking in on the two of them making out (responsible and SUPER mature of them, right?! I digress).

Ten years ago, after the dysfunctional family I knew and loved fell apart, the relationship with my mom crumbled before my eyes.

She's been with Him the entire time. I've hated almost every minute of it...becoming less vocal about my dislike of him as time has passed....because, really, my dislike of him hasn't and won't change my mothers mind, or open her eyes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from my mom. "What are you doing on 10/10....next Sunday?" she asked. I didn't have plans, so I told her I was free...

"We're getting married...and I want you to be my maid of honor."

"Okay" was all I could say. I said okay after she told me it was going to be a small ceremony. I said okay after she told me no dresses were allowed, only denim jeans. I said okay when she told me not to tell anyone else in the family...that she wanted this to be kept secret. I kept saying okay.

The moment I hung up the phone, I broke down into a serious ugly-cry. Baby boy asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't tell him....he's too little to really truly understand how much this hurts. He's too little, nor would I ever want him to feel what I'm feeling. I asked for a hug, and dried my face.

In a nut shell....this sucks.

College Bound?

Hi,

I'm a 27 year old single mother who has attempted college twice in her life (both times BEFORE becoming a parent). Both attempts left me with equal amounts of passing and failing grades....but neither left me with a bachelors degree in my pocket.

A bachelors degree...something I strongly feel will add to my future in more positive ways than not having one.

I've been wanting to return to school for roughly five years. Getting my degree has been a goal of mine, even in the midst of failing multiple classes. I thought the one looming issue preventing me from doing so was an unresolved college account to the tune of (what felt like) a million dollars that I couldn't afford to rectify.

Little did I know, my dad would help me out so I could have another shot at achieving a college degree. (note: I would be the first person in my immediate family to do so, I digress).

So, there I sat, with a (mostly) cleared up financial record (at least cleared up to the point of being financial aid eligible).

The next step was choosing my school....I'll spare you the details, but the school was chosen, and applied for.

Then, it was a matter of obtaining my previous college transcripts, and having them sent to my school of choice. I paid the necessary fees, and had the transcripts sent out (only to have one become mysteriously lost in the mail...where in the hell is Scooby Doo when I need him! I digress).

Eventually, I wound up taking a personal trip to one of my former college's to obtain the official transcript and hand delivered it to my new school of choice.

Jumping ahead of myself, I also made it a point to submit an official letter stating my past financial "issues" had been resolved, and I was actually financial aid eligible...blah blah blah.

Little did I know, the way my cumulative GPA was calculated made my application DENIED. EFF ME!#&$%#@!!!

In order for me to appeal my outright DENIAL, I have to take (and pass with immaculate effing flying colors) a reading, math and written exam.

Was returning to school a HUGE MISTAKE?! I feel like the biggest failing loser ever. I am getting burnt out with this jargon, and classes haven't officially even STARTED yet.

(Insert an extreme amount of expletives HERE).

Dear August of 2010,

Thanks for trying to punch me in the gut ONE LAST TIME before leaving my life forever. I won't forget you, but I'll certainly try my best to wipe your existence from my memory if it's the last thing I do.

Sincerely,
SS+1

++++++++++++++++++

Dear SS+1,

Grow a pair and get over it.

XOXO,
August of 2010

++++++++++++++++++++

Dear August of 2010,

I'll grow a pair when you stop sucking....oh wait, you're over...Consider my pair grown (wait, that sounded a lot better in my head).

You're forgotten,
SS+1

Where to start...

I'm a minute away from asking my mom to go to counseling with me... Doesn't that sound like a basket of vomit? Yeah, I agree.



It's so frustrating to feel so completely disconnected from your parents, especially when they live within 20minutes from you, and are alive, breathing, but mentally unhealthy.



I have little to no common ground with either of my parents, but my relationship with my mom is ugly.



Passive aggressive. (read: I get my sarcastic whit from my father)



Bottled feelings. (read: the woman drinks...a lot)



I refuse to bring my son to her house on a regular basis because they regularly smoke...inside....and I wish it were just cigarettes.



I have moments like these a few times a year...where I feel emotionally beaten to a frustrated lump of a person. Eeyore syndrome flows through my veins uncontrollably. All I want to do is punch a few pillows, scream, then sink into my bed pulling the covers over my head... wishing, hoping and praying for a change in my life long failed relationship with my mom.



I need help relating to her. I need her to choose to quit drinking. I need her to choose to be a responsible grandmother, just as I've chosen to be a responsible parent. I need my mom to be a mom, and not a selfish 50 year old woman. I need to stop feeling so much resentment towards her.



Co-counseling feels like the only option I have left.



I've tried sitting down at her house, telling her my feelings. Shit hits the fan and nothing is accomplished. = fail.



I've tried meeting with her, one on one, in a public place. I always feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel...but when we follow through and attempt to "hang out" post serious discussion, she (literally) reverted to texting and wondering off to smoke. = fail.



I've tried to have shouting matches with her. = fail.



I've tried to explain myself through ugly crying. = fail.



Dammit I am so sick of trying.



But I will continue to try....hence, counseling. (is it horrible of me to hope and pray that her insurance will cover this?!)



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++



On a semi-unrelated note:



I am SOOOOOO ready for August to be OVER. It's been a great year, but good LORD August has kicked my rear upside down and backwards. So, here's to you, September, it took ya long enough to get here!!

My Idiosyncrasies

I've moved on from him (Tall boy)...mostly.

I am still bitter and pretty annoyed at the thought of him, and the emotional trap I allowed myself to fall into...but it's over. Done. Finito. No sense focusing my time and energy on a person whose choices don't include me, right? Right.

Out of pure silliness, I posted a profile on a laughable dating website. Don't get me wrong, there are great people on the site...it's more like the TJ Maxx of the dating world...you have to weed through a LOT of crap to find a decent guy.

If you're unfamiliar with the site, they've added a feature where their computer sends you three matches that they feel are credible. You have the option to message your match, or to reject him..yadda yadda yadda.

Where am I going with this?

Last night, they effing sent me Tall Boy as a match.

Awesome.

I haven't looked at his profile (as tempted as I am to do so).

I haven't rejected his profile. It's sitting in my account.

Seriously.

------------------------

And on an awesome, unrelated note...I totally pulled my groin muscle last night* (or as I like to refer to, my inner-thigh muscle...since that sounds less like I have a man-unit than groin).

Anyone have a magical cure for a strained inner-thigh muscle...because OUCH.

*I wish I could say the injury took place in the bedroom....but it didn't. Just my luck, right?! (or lack there of...hmph)