I was almost late to my first appointment... I'm convinced my subconscious did this on purpose because I was afraid. Afraid of what I'd say or wouldn't say. Afraid of what she'd say or wouldn't say. Afraid of the unknown.
When I found her office, I almost started laughing. There was a very small waiting room with a coffee table FULL of magazines. My immediate thought was "I wonder if I'm going to be analyzed based on the magazine I choose to read while I'm waiting." I chose Parenthood JUST IN CASE. (read: paranoid)
Ten minutes after my appointment was supposed to start, I was called into her office. The strong scent of a pine candle was burning on her desk. I sat down, and started explaining why I felt the urge to seek someone out....detailing how alone I've felt, and giving her my family background as thoroughly and concise as I could seeing as we ONLY had about 40 minutes until I had to return to my office.
Her listening style was different...but listen she did. She was proactive, and paraphrased my thoughts back so I was clear if we were on the same page. I fought back tears most of the session....and although it felt like we talked for a LONG time, the time flew by amazingly fast. When it was time for me to leave, I was disappointed because we didn't discuss what I should do to make my feelings that have been suffocating me dissipate. However, she noted that she wanted me to take something away from our session, and this is what she told me:
"In the middle of the dessert, things still find a way to grow."
I left her office with a smile on my face, and an appointment to return again next week.