The sunrise was a mixture of pastels only nature would think to mesh together. The winter air, crisp, felt surprisingly light. Sure, I'd rather be on a tropical island, but today I was content as I staired at the sky and took in the sights of the sunrise while driving to work. The sunlight made me think of Alaska.
I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, and it's not a bad thing. I've had the sinking feeling the two of us have been reaching out to each other for completely different reasons. I want to explore what "could be." He wants material to jack off....I'm not one to supply such material, unless I am in a committed, trusting relationship, I digress.
This all reverts back to love being highly correlated with timing.
I was recently asked if I had faith that I would find him, my partner, my other half, my soulmate. I scoffed and stated, "I don't know if there's a man on this planet who could handle me and everything I come with...I lost my instruction manual a long time ago, and feel like I'm a bit much to handle." The truth is, I have faith, but the faith is continuously clouded by my past mistakes, my heavy history, and my current insecurities. I know I need to work on getting through/over these things before my faith in finding my other half fully blooms...and that's just fine by me.
I could sit and place the blame that THERE ISN'T ONE GOOD SINGLE DECENT MAN OUT THERE...but that's not true...what holds true is the good, single, decent man I am searching for hasn't been found when the time has been right.
So, today I sit at my desk. I'm happy I was able to take in such an amazing sunrise. I'm thankful I have a job. I am blessed to have my health, and my baby boy in my life. Today, I am happy.