Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Love in Timing

The sunrise was a mixture of pastels only nature would think to mesh together. The winter air, crisp, felt surprisingly light. Sure, I'd rather be on a tropical island, but today I was content as I staired at the sky and took in the sights of the sunrise while driving to work. The sunlight made me think of Alaska.
I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, and it's not a bad thing. I've had the sinking feeling the two of us have been reaching out to each other for completely different reasons. I want to explore what "could be." He wants material to jack off....I'm not one to supply such material, unless I am in a committed, trusting relationship, I digress.
This all reverts back to love being highly correlated with timing.
I was recently asked if I had faith that I would find him, my partner, my other half, my soulmate. I scoffed and stated, "I don't know if there's a man on this planet who could handle me and everything I come with...I lost my instruction manual a long time ago, and feel like I'm a bit much to handle." The truth is, I have faith, but the faith is continuously clouded by my past mistakes, my heavy history, and my current insecurities. I know I need to work on getting through/over these things before my faith in finding my other half fully blooms...and that's just fine by me.
I could sit and place the blame that THERE ISN'T ONE GOOD SINGLE DECENT MAN OUT THERE...but that's not true...what holds true is the good, single, decent man I am searching for hasn't been found when the time has been right.
So, today I sit at my desk. I'm happy I was able to take in such an amazing sunrise. I'm thankful I have a job. I am blessed to have my health, and my baby boy in my life. Today, I am happy.

2 comments:

T said...

Good for you. I love the honesty here.

ChopperPapa said...

You made a very poignant remark "I know I need to work on getting through/over these things before my faith in finding my other half fully blooms...and that's just fine by me."

This is completely true and honestly until you are able to do that you are doing yourself and your potential partner an injustice otherwise.

Great post and all the best.