Lately, my internal dialogue has been tugging at my soul. I'm happy being single. I have no expectations, conflict, disappointment....at least none of those things I can blame on someone else. Being single is eye opening. It forces you to hold yourself accountable, even when you really don't want to, or try to resist accountability with all of your might.
I really am happy being single, while simultaneously wondering if I truly ever will cross paths with my one true love. A man who will look at me and melt my soul. A man who will see, feel and believe I deserve his love, and will believe he deserves mine equally. I dream and wonder if it will ever happen for me.
I go to sleep and ask my brain to dream of my wedding day, the day when it's my turn in the realm of romance. Most of the time, I dream of myself standing on a beach holding his hands....Everyone and no one is there. We are surrounded by love, and it is not only about me, but about us and the life we're starting together. There's a light breeze, and the sky has electric hues of blue with not a cloud in the sky. The day is perfect....
Then I wake up...my perfect dream of my wedding day almost haunts me because it feels so out of reach. It feels like too much of a fantasy world to be realistic for me, but dammit, I deserve it. With billions of people in the world I'm bound to find him, the man who will love me, and whom I will love. The man I deem crazy enough to put up with my silly antics.
Tonight, I sit at my computer continuing to survive single plus one, and tonight, I'll go to sleep being happy and content with myself and my life.