Tuesday, October 22, 2013

More than most

I have manners
People laugh at how I say the words “mittens” and “buttons” (because the graces of my Minnesotan accent make me innately over-annunciate the “t’s”).
I am thrown off when men compliment me, or hold doors (not because I don’t enjoy these things, but more because they happen so rarely I don’t know how to respond when such things happen).
I wear my heart on my sleeve; not in a cliché way, either…more in a way that I allow myself to be as open as possible .
Almost all people are busy, but being busy is no excuse to not make time for someone;  I work 40+ hours per week, am taking 12 college credits and am a solo parent.  If you tell me you’re too busy to set aside time, then I’ll move on…because if you can’t find time in your “busy schedule” to make time for me, I will not sacrifice time in my impossible schedule for you.
I tend to try and make jokes out of situations when I feel extremely uncomfortable; in fact, the more uncomfortable, the more inappropriate my jokes seem to be.
I get secretively excited when I get to ride in a car because 99% of the time I am the one driving.
I am forward in a way in which I will tell you how I am feeling, but will do so in an attempt to spare your feelings if I think what I have to say is harsh.
I crave spontaneity…especially because my schedule forces me to be fairly regimented.  Many times, my spontaneity comes out through extremely random conversations
I am a tried and true hopeless romantic.
I absolutely need to work on my own self confidence.
With everything I’ve listed above, I can say without blinking an eye that I am open to love.

Focusing on what I have is far more important to me these days than on things that I don’t.  One could argue that many of the things I’ve listed above are things I have; but the means to the end of the items listed above is the sole fact that I do NOT have a partner who appreciates those things in me….

So what do I have?

I have a little boy who is absolutely amazing.  His eyes read me in ways I’ve never been read before.  Our shared quirky humor regularly catches me off guard for never in a million years could I have imagined another person would get me.  Sure, he’s all of seven and a half years old, but we are connected in an amazing way, and I am beyond grateful that I am his mother.  He’s one of the sweetest little men that I know, and I hope with all my hearts some of the lessons (like NEVER EVER EVER make plans with someone and drop them off after 20 minutes) sticks inside his memory.  Instilling the decency within him, through small little lessons to truly treat others with the same kindness and respect you wish to receive will ultimately be my greatest reward….doing these things I don’t need another half, I just need myself. 

I often repeat that I truly am happy being single, and in the same breath I ask if anyone around me knows of any other single guys.  I ask because I don’t want others to assume that, just because I’m open about being comfortable being single, means that I am NOT open to meeting a man and sharing my life; ultimately, I deeply want to share my life with a partner but when you don’t have something you REALLY REALLY WANT what’s the best course of action?  Is overstating how content I am being single the opposite of action? 

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