Monday, June 28, 2010

Growing a nutshell

In my lifetime, I’ve witnessed three close friendships fizzle before my eyes. The change had always been a tough pill for me to swallow, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve also grown wiser.

Recently, a close friendship fizzled into nothing, over virtually nothing. Hurtful things were thrown my way, followed up by childish immaturity's on behalf of the friend that no longer is. My feelings were hurt, and I maturely said everything I needed to say and then some. The difference between the three friendships I’d seen turn to dust was this…

Back in the day, it was a gradual process. For the most part, we stopped hanging out, and overtime grew apart. Bridges were never burned. We just so happened to grow in different directions.

The second friendship came to a crashing stop over a boy. Nasty letters were typed out and hand delivered. Extremely horrible phone calls were exchanged. I was just as guilty as the other. Many, many tears were shed (specifically on my behalf). Bridges were DEFINITELY burned.

Most recently, a friendship of mine dissolved over the internet. Everything felt disconnected and my jaw still drops when I think about it. A single IM her way resulted in (what I could only interpret as) a friendship-meltdown of epic proportions. I wrote a couple of email messages apologizing and attempting to explain the situation as I saw it. She responded with hurtful personal attacking comments that had absolutely nothing to do with what the original issue was about. And that was that. We are no longer speaking.

I’ve handled myself extremely well in the face of this friendship dissolving. I haven’t said or breathed an ill word about her, even in the face of dramatic comments I’ve heard from others (specifically about what she’s said to others about me and the rift our so called friendship was going through). I’ve taken the high road. I have nothing to regret. In fact, I feel extremely mature in my “old age.” I’ve looked at the friendship I’ve had with this person, and truly believe the friendship had and has run its course.

What will be, will be.

I’ll make new friends, dare I say, better friends. Better friends because I now know what to look for in people based on my past experiences. I’m sure she’ll do the same. I’m thankful I can sleep easy knowing I’ve treated those around me with respect and dignity, just as I had hoped others around me could do, although had failed with flying colors.

No, I don’t have a circle of 50 acquaintances. Sure, I only hold a few close friends….to me, life is about quality, and not quantity.

Me in a nutshell:

  • I’m single.
  • I have an amazing son.
  • I work for a great company and love going to my job every day.
  • I’m genuine.
  • I’m happy.

Life is good.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Nagging Thoughts

  • Joran Van der Sloot should be publicly castrated and executed. As far as I'm concerned he's a waste of air.
  • Six months of seeing a "life coach" has been extremely helpful...I'm sad that my allotted time has expired, and am contemplating looking into a more permanent life coach situation. (honestly though, I feel like I opened pandora's box by starting to see a therapist in the first place...Que Serra Serra).
  • I've been alarmingly disturbed by a recently reported statistic that obese women only have a 30% chance at finding a romantic partner.
  • My disdain for the above statistic lead me to try out Healthe'Trim....I only lasted a week. I felt like I had altzheimers while taking it, and decided to stop. Since stopping I've had a KILLER headache. Coincidence? Probably not.
  • My new planted garden is doing great! I have green tomatoes, lettuce for salads, onions and rosemary currently at my disposal.
  • When the eff did I actually turn into an independent adult?! It seems like just yesterday I was just a child....damn, time sure flies when you're living.
  • Excedrin Migraine is my drug of choice. It hasn't let me down yet!
  • I am amazed at how well baby boy behaves....especially when "earning a star" is my leverage for him listening on the first try, helping mom, and making good choices.
  • Although baby boy is without a father in his life, he still has become a little evidenced by a recent trip to a car show, where he approached the engines with his hands held behind his back, and knelt to the ground to check out the chassies...Yeah...Um....He's 4, and mom did NOT teach him these things...they must be genetic!
  • I'm contemplating an across-country move, but feel it would be more successful if I had my degree. Uggh.

...and on a final note:

  • I switched to a droid phone, and think I'm in LOVE. Who needs to date when you have an awesome phone?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Just Dinner?

I feel guilty.
I feel happy.
I feel confused.

I met up with Crotchrocket last night. It was harmless, I promise. We each brought our children and met up for dinner at a local pizzeria (might I add, his daughter is ADORABLE). So there we were, the four of us.

He looked great. I felt fairly comfortable, and really want to get to know him more. (Enter the "but") BUT, I feel guilty. He has a girlfriend...ya know...the mother of his adorable child....the girlfriend that he bought a house with....Yeah. Am I going to hell for hanging out with him? Probably not (key word: probably).

Our time spent together is/was REALLY innocent. Laughing, enjoying life, smiling when the kids were cracking up, exchanging looks when the kids were naughty (read: me shooting him the "I give up" look when baby boy was being difficult. his little girl was darn near perfect).

I can't shake the feeling that hanging out with him is wrong (emotionally, not physically), because (at the risk of being cliche) it feels so right.