Plucking Flower Petals

He likes me....
He likes me not...
HE LIKES ME?!

Emails between me and Alaska seemed to have faded to non-existent. In October, we sent a dozen short messages back and forth. I (tried my damndest) to be casual and not make a big deal out of it (but, lets face it, inside I was screaming with excitement and the thought of "what could be" permeated my veins, I digress).

As spontaneous as the emails were when he first contacted me, POOF, he stopped responding.

I suppose this is to be expected when:

1. You really don't know each other
2. You live a country away from one another
3. It was just one night

I didn't lose sleep over it (which surprised me as much as I'm sure it surprises you). I moved on with my life...que serra serra.

And, just like before, POOF...My inbox alerts me to an email from him this past Saturday. Apologizing for not checking his email often. Saying he knows it's been a while since we've seen each other, and would love for me to send him some pictures...because, as long as it's been, he wants to see me again.

I am extremely cautious this minuscule internet-driven romance will go anywhere...I refuse to invest TOO much...but, damn. I like him. I like the small amount I know about him. I like that, even though some responses have taken a little long, he has kept responding. I like remembering back to that night...his eyes, lips, touch, and smell.

I like him.

Price Check, Aisle SERIOUSLY?!

I was pushing three grocery bags full of vegetables with a fresh outlook on life to my car (over my lunch break). It was a GORGEOUS sunny November day...the kind we don't see in Minnesota very often. The air was warm, the sun was bright, life was good.

Today was different, although I didn't know it yet.

I happily pushed my shopping cart to my car, unloaded my loot, and went to push the shopping cart to the cart rack. As I was walking, I passed a man. Tall, with an eight o'clock shadow hugging his face. He was dressed casual, but nice. His shoes were well kept, and made from brown leather.

"Hi" he said to me as I passed him. It was a familiar "hi." I politely responded and then started racking my brain. Why did he seem like he knew me? Am I supposed to know him? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

When I turned around after returning my cart, he was standing still, staring at me.

"I'm totally checking you out." He was more forward than a drunk man at bar close time.

"Oh, ok"...that was the best I could come up with.

I We walked back towards my car...He was flooding me with compliments.

"I am so attracted to you. I normally don't do this, but I like to go after things that I like, and what can I say? I am really really attracted to you."

I could physically hear every word from his mouth, but at the same time it fell upon deaf ears because my inner conscious was screaming at me: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME? IS THIS GUY CRAZY? IS HE GOING TO TRY TO KIDNAP ME? OH SHIT, HE'S A PSYCHO SERIAL KILLING RAPIST!!! (OBVIOUSLY I have trust issues, I digress).

"Do a lot of guys talk to you and tell you this? I'm sure they do. How do I say this? I am really attracted to large chests" BOOM, there it was....WHO SAYS THAT?! Oh, that's right, this random dude does.

He asked if we could exchange numbers, but I tiptoed around it. I tiptoed around any sort of personal question (and by any, the only other personal question he asked me was if I worked close to the grocery store..which I do, so I told him yes, but I didn't elaborate beyond that). Maybe avoiding personal exchanges was for the best, but maybe I just blew my chance at finding my Him. What have I learned from this? I really need to work on my flirting/social skills!....Mama is severely RUSTY (when she hasn't had a glass or three of vino).

Happy Holidays

Driving into work this morning, the etiquette of gift giving for the holidays was the pressing topic of the morning. I love love LOVE the holidays. The food, laughter, the huge snowflakes, the non-stop holiday music on the radio and glistening holiday lights that pollute the night....The holiday season always feels magical to me.

Am I religious? Not in the least. I like to consider myself a "recovering Catholic." I haven't been to church in as long as I can remember...In fact, the last time I attended "mass" as a single-unwed-mother I felt like a walking sinner, with guilt seeping out of me to the point where I feel too horrible to justify attending church....I was waiting for the white haired congregation to force me into a corner and tattoo the Scarlett letter on my forehead (yeah, that's a bit of an exaggeration...point being, I don't like going to church).

Christmas is, in fact, a religious holiday (DUH....it has the word Christ in it...no lie)....but to me, it's not about the Christ-factor...it's about getting together and sharing moments with close friends and family, usually over a delicious meal, or sitting around a living room....we make time for each other around the holidays. It's an occassion that's not a wedding or a funeral where we sit down, take deep breaths, and (of course) overeat to the point of feeling the onset of a food-coma to be inevitable.

Just my luck

I’m craving to stir things up in my life….romantically….physically…..emotionally…..
I have this craving once every four to six months. I yearn to shift my mundane lifestyle. I feel a strong urge throw myself into the dating pool, and see if I’ll miraculously find a way to float, (especially after all the times I’ve sunk in the past).
Ironically enough, I received three messages from a free dating website I had signed up for moons ago.
One message was an innocent “How are you?” from a 46 year old. My mind flashed back to advice from an aunt, telling me to find a 40-something year old guy…..
I responded with “I’m fine, how are you?”….Why I didn’t check his full profile out first is BEYOND ME!
Warning, this might sound judgy mcjuderson on my behalf, but really….The man’s opening essay described himself as being recently divorced, not looking for a monogamous relationship, but rather a POLY-relationship. Why in the hell did I respond BEFORE READING HIS PROFILE?!
My inbox flashed a new message….and, sure enough, it was from Him. “I’m surprised you responded because of my profile.”
Oh well, nothing gained, nothing lost. I politely told him I had failed to read his profile until AFTER I had originally responded. I wasn’t interested in a polyamorous lifestyle, but all the luck to him.
I don’t know much, but what I do know is there has to be someone somewhere who is right for me and my baby boy. I’m keeping the faith.

++++++++++++

On a semi-related note, I stumbled across this blog...and WOW she is an amazing writer! She basically has summed up what I also believe to be the definition of love, and is currently dabbling in her own online dating adventures...check her out, I promist it will be worth your time.