Monday, April 20, 2009

I Shake My Fist

Here's my qualm with online dating....

It makes me lose hope.

One second I feel like I can do this dating thing. I feel like any man would be lucky to have me in their life. I take this confidence, and reapproach the online dating world...and I'm always met with rejection.

I've been trying my hand in the dating world for almost three years. I resorted to online dating because I've been stuck at home 99% of my evenings due to being a single parent. Key words: single parent (single->want a man in my life. parent-> man repellent).

I've gone back and forth about including the single parent label in my online dating profile. I want men to get to know me for me....but at the same time, when I've excluded this information I feel as if I've mislead these men due to their response (which almost ALWAYS entails "oh" followed by awkward silence followed by the sudden halt of emails/contact).

Most recently, when I was overtaken by the urge to start backup in the online dating world, I felt confident I would find decent, upstanding, responsible, respectable men. What have I found? All of the above...there's just one little bitty issue....None of them are interested in me. Nada.

How do I know this? Because my inbox is continuously flooded with "Keep looking, he's just not interested in you." In the words of Tony the Tiger...that's Grrrrrrrrrrrreat (insert an insane amount of sarcasm here).

My faith in finding mr. right was questioned intensely today when a man I've had a semi crush on for a while happened to stumble on my profile. Now, this is a man with whom has dated two girls that I know (one of which I set him up with because he's a great guy, she is a great girl, and I wanted them both to be happy...turns out, they didn't click).

I'm tired. It's late. I've been back in the online dating world for three days and I've already lost hope. I can't stop thinking about wanting a man in my life and I'm absolutely convinced this want is driving me crazy. I'm off to sleep now, where I'll most certainly dream of what it feels like to be touched...because lord knows dreaming is as close as this mama is going to get for a long, long time (insert eeyore tone here).

1 comment:

T ™ said...

I just added my name to ur readers list.. I'm in the same boat minus the whole looking thing.

Not looking for that person doesn't mean giving up. It means you let the world bring you to it even if it seems like a long time.

You gotta enjoy and live the NOW.

I know how lonely it gets and for a long time i struggled with depression over it.

So much that at one point i couldn't even stand being alone in a room. I would go to my parents house even when they weren't there just to watch tv... because I knew my brother was in the house and even if we didn't talk or where in the same room together i felt better having someone there.

I know! it sounds a little extreme. But that's what happens when you let your feeling control things.

I'd love to tell you the endless stories i have because it was a freakin' roller coaster.. but i don't have time lol.

fast forward a year later and I became miss social!

I would go out on the weekends my daughter was with her dad... and made lots of 'going-out friends'
and even met guys i started to get to know better.

but after a while that too didn't feel as good as i thought it would.

Ever felt lonely even when you were in a room full of people?

or dated a guy you knew wouldn't be good for you but it was better then not having someone for the time being.

Yup, that happen to me too.

Truth is.. when i realized what i was doing I did a lot of soul searching.

I came across a quote that changed the way i felt about dating and myself as well. Things have looked up ever since.

"Your Not Alone If You Like The Person Your Alone With"

I'm still single.. but like you i have someone at home who loves me and is willing to hug me and cuddle with me whenever i want it.

Enjoy your baby because they grow up fast! My daughter is almost 8 and even tho she is still a sweet heart i know it wont be long before i have a teenager hating me. lol.