Monday, October 31, 2011

Seriously Life....Settle down already!!

I'm am crabby today. Downright pissy, actually...and instead of unloading on a friend and burdening them with my petty bullshit, I'm unloading it here...because, why the hell not?

My LOVELY mother (insert copious amounts of sarcasm here) and I have not been on speaking terms for over a week because she had the audacity to insinuate that I was a bad mother because I had asked for help watching my son to go to an all-attend work meeting which announced the layoff of seven employees from my office. Thankfully, I was not a victim of this layoff, however, my office is very small and very close, so a good friend of mine was. In lieu of going STRAIGHT to pick up my son when the meeting was over, I drove to my coworkers house...she had left the office BEFORE I had arrived for the meeting, and was sitting at home alone, wallowing in the news that she would no longer be, I did what any friend would do...I went and made sure she wasn't alone, listened to her vent, and was there.

Ya know, it would be one thing if I unloaded my son on my mother and her husband ALL OF THE TIME, but the fact is, I don't, especially because bullshit like this happens. She (for whatever reason) becomes a jealous bitch, and I won't tolerate her snarky attitude. I am open and up front with her, and tell her I don't understand or appreciate her attitude and that I refuse to fight with her...but after I hear that she's spread her ugly opinion to my father (the man whom she cheated on and divorced 11 years ago) I consider the line crossed.

I'm done with her...which makes me equally happy and sad. Does anyone want to adopt a 28 year old single mother and her 5 year old son?

Speaking of five-year-olds...holy shit has he been pushing my buttons lately. Where do I even begin? Oh, I know! How about finding my work clothes smeared with his shit?! Yeah, you read that right. He literally decided to wipe his ass with MY CLOTHES!!!! I swear to god.

His response: "It will come out in the laundry, mom."

...You'd also think Kindergarten would be a BREEZE OF A YEAR for the parent of a school kid. WRONG. Kindergarten has been hell thus far. From a call from my son's teacher explaining that he was put in a Kindergarten version of detention called the "sit and think room" from bashing a kid in the face with his lunch box, to hearing daily that his name has been put on the board because he isn't listening...oh, and HERE's a good one...he had an older kid do his damn homework for him!! son is "that kid."

Trying to be a "fun mom" we bought three pumpkins over the weekend as part of my son's reward for not getting his name on the board on Friday. Last night, as part of a reward for my son behaving at a wake we had to attend, we got to carve the pumpkins. OF COURSE the safe pumpkin knife broke after the first pumpkin...and OF COURSE it was 9pm so we couldn't run out to get another knife. Do I wait until today to carve the rest of my pumpkins? Nope. That would be TOO easy. Instead, I try to use my six inch serrated knife....I know you know where this is going.

Yup. I put that damn knife into the tip of my thumb. I let out over a dozen expletives, attempted to control the massive bleeding amongst the throbbing pain to see just how far the knife went into my thumb (about 3/4 of a centimeter, enough to warrant a lot of blood, not enough for me to justify an embarrassing trip to the ER). Typically, I could give two hoots if I was single or in a relationship...unless something tramatic like lodging a six inch serrated knife into the tip of your thumb happens....moments like those I hate the fact that I'm single and alone.

Not only was I fighting tears of physical pain, but those are the moments in my life when the tears of my loneliness creep in...and MASSIVE amounts of ugly-crying inevitably happen.

I responded as level headed as possible after that, shaking as I tried to unwrap fingertip band aids with my teeth, and downing 1000 mg of ibuprofen, then calling it a night.

Today hasn't been much better, although, as I got into my car at lunch time some sappy song was playing on the radio about keeping your head up and blah blah blah. I looked at my car radio, and said "Dude, I'm trying, alright?! Lay off."

Monday, October 17, 2011

Insider Secret.

Well folks, there's nothing like running into your crush as you're walking into the dermatology clinic, running into the love of your life's FIANCE while you're on a sporadic daytrip, or reading that Alaska is seriously contemplating moving back to MN on facebook to kick your week off to an amazing start.

Truth: My love life is still non-existent. I'm keeping extremely busy. So busy, in fact, that I become tired just thinking about it. I'm continuing to focus on myself, going to the gym 3, 4 and sometimes even 5 times a week (although you wouldn't guess it by looking at the scale, I digress). I've made appointments with a dermatologist to get my annoying acne (that only a 14 year old should have to endure) under control.

I'm trying to put me first. A rarity in the life of a full-time working, single mom.

I still find ways to have fun (read: sporadic day trip with a great friend), but I am still fighting my strong urge to want more.

For now, my only suggestion to you would be to invest in Duracell. I don't foresee my future without the least not anytime soon.